So if you’re bald, shave your head and let these 100 funny bald jokes give you a good laugh! Even if you have a full head of hair, these jokes will still bring some hilarity into your day.
Going bald can be tough for some men. While genetics play a big role, losing one’s hair can still be embarrassing and hard to accept. However, having a sense of humor about baldness can help take away some of its stigma. Laughing at bald jokes and embracing the bald lifestyle shows confidence and self-acceptance. Keep reading for the best bald jokes that will have you cracking up, chuckling, and guffawing.
Funny Bald Jokes
1. What do you call a redhead with no hair? Greg.
2. I took my 8-year old ginger son to get his first haircut. The barber asked if he should leave the fringe. I said no, just take it all off. He’s finally earned his redhead badge of honor.
3. What do you call someone who is addicted to haircuts? A barber.
4. My friend got candles for his birthday cake. He couldn’t blow them out. He doesn’t have enough hair!
5. What do you call an angry bald man? Furious George!
6. Why don’t bald people like getting headaches? Because they can’t even grab it!
7. How can you recognize a bald man at a nudist beach? He’s the one with a sock in his shorts!
8. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb as a present? Thanks, I’ll never part with it!
9. Why don’t eggs tell jokes to bald guys? They’d crack up!
10. Yo mama’s so bald, I told her to dye her hair and she looked at the floor!
11. Yo mama’s so bald, her hairline is receding faster than the shoreline!
12. Yo mama’s so bald, she took a shower and got brainwashed!
13. Yo mama’s so bald, when she rubs her head, I swear I can see my reflection!
14. Yo mama’s so bald, you can see what’s on her mind.
15. Yo mama’s so bald, she uses a headache as an excuse to wear a wig.
16. What’s the difference between a bald man and a bald woman? One has balls and one doesn’t!
17. Why don’t women like getting facials? Because they don’t want their makeup running down their shiny bald heads!
18. What did one bald doctor say to the other bald doctor? “This medicine really has some hair-raising side effects!”
19. Why do bald men make the best therapists? Because they have nothing but time to listen to your problems!
20. How can you tell when two bald men are fighting? When the punches start flying over their heads!
21. Why don’t bald men need umbrellas when it rains? Because there’s nothing for the rain to ruin!
22. What’s the difference between a bald man and a mosquito? One is always buzzing around your head and the other is an insect!
23. How can you tell when a bald man is stressed? When he starts pulling out the few hairs he has left!
24. Why don’t bald men wear toupees on windy days? They don’t want their cover blown!
25. What did the bald man say when he got a bottle of shampoo for his birthday? “Gee, thanks for the gift card!”
26. Why don’t bald men get hired as lifeguards? Because their resuscitation techniques lack hair!
27. What do you call a psychic midget that escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
28. Where do bald people go to get their hair cut? The phar-macy!
29. Why don’t bald men need to wear masks? Their heads are already covered!
30. How can you tell when a bald man is happy? He starts whistling through the space between his ears!
31. What’s the difference between a bald man and an ostrich? One buries his head in the sand and the other in sunscreen!
32. Why don’t bald men ever win staring contests? Because the glare off their heads distracts them!
33. What did the bald man say when he got a tub of Rogaine for his birthday? “What a hair-brained gift!”
34. How do bald twins know who is who in old photographs? Rock, paper, scissors.
35. Why should bald men never ask “how high?” Because their hairlines can’t answer!
36. What do you call a bald man with no arms and no legs lying on the floor? Matt.
37. Why do bald men make great philosophers? Because they’re always in deep thought!
38. How can you tell when a bald man is frustrated? He scratches his head trying to figure it out!
39. How do you make a bald man cry? Tell him hair loss is hereditary and his son will go bald too.
40. What’s the difference between a bald man and a kitchen floor? The floor only has one crack!
41. Why do bald men hate riddles? Because they can never figure them out!
42. What’s the difference between an eagle and a bald man? An eagle can still grow new feathers each year!
43. Why did the bald man wear a fleece jacket? He wanted to cover up his receeding hairline!
44. How do bald twins communicate? Through tele-patchy!
45. Why don’t aliens abduct bald men? They don’t want to be accused of probing domes!
46. Why do bald men make great spies? Because they are experts at being under cover!
47. What do you call a bald man with no nose? Nobody nose!
48. Why do bald men make bad gardeners? Because they have trouble keeping anything planted on their heads!
49. What’s the difference between a bald man and a doorknob? Most people don’t twist and turn doorknobs all day!
50. How can you tell when a bald man is about to tell a lie? When he covers his bald spot with his hand first!
More Bald Jokes
51. What do you call a bald man who won the lottery? Wiggly Wiggins
52. Why don’t bald men need to wear pants? Their cheeks already cover their cracks!
53. What sits on a bald man’s shoulders and tells jokes? His funny bone!
54. Why do bald men make great detectives? Because they can solve any case on hair evidence alone!
55. What did one bald man say to the other bald man when he lost his comb? I’ll keep an eye out for it!
56. How do bald people comb their hair? They don’t, they brush their teeth instead!
57. Why do bald men always carry combs with them? In hopes of finding a stray hair!
58. What did the bald man say when he got a haircut? “Hey, don’t cut!”
59. Why don’t bald men need bed sheets? Their heads keep their pillows warm enough!
60. What do you call a bald man who sells wigs? Follicly challenged.
61. Why do bald men hate diners? The menus are so hair-raising!
62. Why do bald men make great scientists? Because their minds are always working overtime on a new theory!
63. What do you call a bald man with a wooden leg named Smith? Shavings!
64. Why do bald men make terrible gardeners? They don’t have enough coverage to protect their plants!
65. What sits on top of a bald man’s head and whistles? His tea kettle!
66. How do you know when two bald men are fighting? All the name-calling goes over their heads!
67. Why don’t bald men run for office? Their opponents will always split more hairs!
68. What’s the difference between a bald man and a lawyer? One has the case at the front of his head while the other has his case at the back of his head!
69. Why did the bald man wear a turtleneck? He wanted to cover up his double chin!
70. How does every bald joke start? With a receding hairline!
71. Why did the bald man bring a ladder to work? He wanted to get a step ahead!
72. What did the bald man say to his comb? “You’ll never part me!”
73. Why did the bald man refuse pain medication? He wanted to go au naturale!
74. Why are bald men so good at math? Their lack of hair gives them nothing to distract them!
75. How does a bald man know it’s time for a haircut? When he can’t tell which side of his head the sun is shining on!
76. Why do bald men study foreign languages? So they can communicate with toupee manufacturers overseas!
77. What sits on bald men’s shoulders and calls out insults? Their chip!
78. Why do bald men love rodeo competitions? All that bull makes them laugh!
79. Why are bald men so optimistic when job hunting? Because they always see employment on the horizon!
80. How does a bald man kill a circus? He goes for the juggler!
Bald Man Jokes and Puns
81. What do you call a bald man who sells hats? Headstrong!
82. Why do bald men make great street magicians? Because they are excellent at sleight of head!
83. Why did the bald man wear two jackets when he painted his house? The instructions said put on two coats!
84. What do you call a bald man with a long beard? Shaggy
85. Why do bald men make great landlords? Because they are good at managing property!
86. What sits on top of bald men’s heads and makes wisecracks? Their wit!
87. Why don’t bald men need calendars? Their days are numbered!
88. Why do bald men make great poets? Because they always have sonnets on their minds!
89. What did the bald man exclaim when he lost his comb? I’ll never get over this parting!
90. How can you tell when a bald man is hungry? When his head starts rumbling!
91. Why don’t bald men get pimples? Because their pores have nothing to clog them!
92. Why don’t bald men freestyle rap? Their rhymes never make the top of the charts!
93. What did the bald man say to his comb? Thanks for nothing!
94. Why did the bald man fail to become a monk? He couldn’t cut his hair!
95. Why did the bald man get excused from jury duty? Lack of peers!
96. How does a bald man kill a bug? With the palm of his head!
97. Why don’t bald men need toupees? Nothing grows on a busy street!
98. What sits on a bald man’s head snapping its fingers? His band!
99. What do you call a psychic midget that escaped prison? A small medium at large!
100. Why do bald men always have smiles on their faces? Nothing is hanging over their heads to worry about!
FAQs about Bald Men Jokes
Here are some frequently asked questions about bald jokes to shed more light on joking about baldness:
Are bald jokes offensive?
Bald jokes can definitely cross the line and become offensive. However, joking between friends in a lighthearted way can help bald men embrace and laugh about hair loss. As long as the jokes aren’t mean-spirited, bald humor can be a fun way to take the stigma away from baldness.
What are some things to avoid when telling bald jokes?
Steer clear of jokes that imply bald men are unattractive, weak, or boring. Also avoid harsh insults about appearance that attack someone’s self-esteem. Make sure the joke lands playfully instead of being downright insulting.
Do women also find bald jokes funny?
Yes! Many women also find lighthearted bald jokes amusing. Humor helps take away some of the sensitivity around baldness and shows confidence. As long as the jokes aren’t offensive, bald humor can be funny for men and women alike.
Are there any advantages or positives to being bald?
Absolutely! Many bald men talk about the ease of maintenance and getting ready more quickly without having to style hair. Shaved heads can look very masculine and strong. Baldness also saves money on haircuts and hair products. Embracing bald jokes helps men feel more confident instead of self-conscious.
Should I avoid telling bald jokes around someone who is really sensitive about hair loss?
It’s best to tread lightly with humor around someone struggling to accept their baldness. Gauge how comfortable they are with bald humor first before launching into jokes and comedy. Being a sympathetic ear first can help them become open to light jokes down the road.
Going bald can be a big transition for men, but a sense of humor and laughing at oneself is key. Bald jokes may sting if said with cruelty, but when used appropriately they can bring a sense of togetherness. So whether you’re a smooth chrome dome or just want a good chuckle, try out these 100 bald jokes when you need some uplifting hilarity! Laughter is the best medicine.