Ahh mateys! If ye be looking for a barrel of laughs from pirate jokes, ye’ve come to the right place. From silly pirate puns to jokes about walking the plank, this collection of 100 pirate jokes will take you on a hilarious journey across the seven seas.

So grab yer pirate hat, parrot, and peg leg, and get ready to laugh yer timbers off with these funny pirate jokes.

Why You Should Read Pirate Jokes

Before we dive into the jokes, here’s why you should take time out of swabbing the decks to enjoy some pirate humor:

They’re Family-Friendly Fun

Pirate jokes and humor tend to be clean and kid-friendly. So they make for great entertainment for kids and adults alike. You won’t have to worry about any vulgarity or inappropriate content with these jokes.

Learn Pirate Lingo

Ever wanted to learn words like “ahoy”, “avast”, “matey” and other pirate terms? These jokes are full of pirate lingo, helping you pick up on the unique dialect.

Spark Your Inner Pirate

Reading pirate jokes will channel your inner Jack Sparrow. It’s a fun way to explore your adventurous, treasure-hunting spirit and imagination.

Relieve Stress

Laughing reduces stress and improves your mood. And pirate jokes tend to be light-hearted, so they’re perfect for relaxing after a long day of raiding and plundering.

So if you’re ready to set sail for hilarity, let’s dive into this booty of pirate joke treasures!

Top 100 Pirate Jokes

From silly puns to long-form pirate jokes, here are 100 of the best funny pirate jokes to delight kids and adults alike:

Pirate Puns

Let’s start with some simple, clean pirate puns:

1. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’d be R but their first love will always be the C!
2. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
3. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer!
4. How do pirates communicate? Aye to aye!
5. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!
6. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later!
7. How do pirates keep track of their finances? With their arrrrgh-ledger!
8. What is a pirate’s favorite sports team? The Raiders
9. What is a pirate’s favorite kind of sweater? Arrrrgyle!
10. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? They already have all the booty!

Pirate Jokes for Kids

Here are some funny and kid-friendly pirate jokes:

11. What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved!
12. What do pirates wear on their feet? Arrrrgyle socks!
13. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!
14. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
15. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!
16. How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they arrrrr!
17. What happened to the pirate who got his hand stuck in a blender? He got blended arrrrrm!
18. Where do pirates get their hooks and wooden legs? From the second hand store!
19. What do pirates like to watch on TV? Captain K’nuckles!
20. What did the pirate say when his peg leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!

Pirate Knock Knock Jokes

Ahoy mateys! Try out these knock knock pirate jokes:

21. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Ahoy! Ahoy who? Ahoy there, me hearties!
22. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Peg! Peg who? Peg leg!
23. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Chest! Chest who? Chest kidding, it’s me your captain!
24. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes the Captain speaking!
25. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Album! Album who? Album a pirate and I’m here for yer booty!
26. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Ivor! Ivor who? Ivor got to plunder some treasure!
27. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Hoist! Hoist who? Hoist up the sails matey!
28. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Dwayne! Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub I’m a pirate!
29. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Climb! Climb who? Climb aboard maties!
30. Knock Knock! Who’s there? Parrot! Parrot who? Parrot on me shoulder telling me to find buried treasure!

Pirate Pick Up Lines

Ahoy matey! Try out these funny pirate pick up lines:

31. Be ye a pirate? Because you just stole me heart!
32. I must be in Davy Jones’ locker, cause I’ve never seen booty as fine as yours.
33. Are you the North Star? Because I could navigate by yer beauty alone!
34. Is that a cutlass in yer pocket or are ye just happy to see me?
35. If ye were a pirate, ye’d be the bootiest!
36. You’ve struck gold, lassie, now let me take a dive in yer treasure chest!
37. There’ll be plenty of booty where we’re going.
38. Ye may walk the plank, but it’s your plank I want to walk!
39. My love for ye burns like a lit match in the captain’s quarters.
40. I lost my hand, but I’ll still hold ye heart in this hook!

Funny Pirate Jokes

41. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer!
42. How do pirates communicate? Aye to aye!
43. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrgh!
44. What’s the problem with pirate jokes? They’re too corny.
45. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it was R but it’s really the C!
46. How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they arrr!
47. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!
48. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later!
49. Why can’t you play cards with a pirate? Because he’ll be sitting on the deck!
50. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? They get stuck at C for years!

Pirate Jokes for Adults

And some pirate humor for the grown ups:

51. What has 8 arms, 8 legs and 8 eyes? 8 pirates!
52. What do you call a pirate with 2 eyes and 2 legs? Rookie!
53. How did the pirate woo his beloved? He used his ship pick-up lines!
54. Why couldn’t the pirate get into the movie? It was rated ARRRR!
55. How do you kill 200 pirates? Throw a penny overboard!
56. Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrr!
57. What did the pirate say when his peg leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
58. Why are pirates so mean? They just arrr!
59. What’s the problem with pirate jokes? They are too corny.
60. What do you call a pirate without a ship? Homeless!

Longer Pirate Jokes

Enjoy these longer pirate tales and stories:

61. A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender asks, “Hey, do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate responds, “Arrrgh, it’s driving me nuts!”
62. Two pirates, Peg Leg Pete and Black Patch Patrick, are catching up over rum. Pete says, “I got meself a parrot just last week. I named him Captain Jack.” Patrick responds, “That’s a mighty fine name. Does he talk?” “Talk? That bird won’t shut up!” says Pete. “He keeps yelling out longitude and latitude, it’s driving me nuts.” Patrick looks confused and asks, “Well how is that a problem? That’s perfect for navigating the high seas!” Pete replies, “I know, right? But the thing is, we ain’t gone anywhere.”
63. A pirate captain was looking to recruit a new crew member for his ship. He interviewed a deck hand and asked him, “Do ye have any experience sailin’ and plundering on the high seas?” The deck hand replied, “Yarrr, I sailed under Captain Jack Sparrow for many years raiding ships and pillaging booty.” The captain was impressed. He then noticed the deck hand had a peg leg, hook, and eyepatch. He asked, “But how did ye end up with all these injuries?” The deck hand pointed to his leg and said, “I lost me leg in a fierce battle at sea, when a cannonball tore it right off.” He then pointed to his eyepatch and said, “I lost me eye while battling vicious pirates, who gouged it right out with a cutlass sword!” The captain finally asked, “But how did you end up losing your hand?” The deckhand paused and responded, “Well ye see…that’s where I lost me parrot.”
64. A pirate captain was looking for a new crew member, so a man walked into his office. The captain asked, “Do ye have any shipboard experience?” The man said, “Err…no. But I do have a wooden leg, a hook, and an eye patch!” Impressed, the captain hired him on the spot. On the new pirate’s first day, the ship was preparing to head out to sea. The captain instructed him to bring up the anchor. The new pirate threw it overboard and it immediately sank to the bottom. Furious, the captain screamed, “What was that? Yer supposed to tie it off first!” The new pirate shrugged and said, “Arrrgh, I guess I should have read the anchor manual!”
65. Why are pirates called pirates? They just arrrrrr!
66. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore later!

67. Why do pirates make bad lawyers?

They keep raising objections!

68. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer!

69. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?

You’d think it’s R but their first love will always be the C!

70. Why don’t pirates like getting up early?

It’s too dawn tiring!

Pirate Riddles

71. What has no fingers but many rings? – A pirate!
72. I fly but have no wings. I cry but I have no eyes. Darkness follows me, what am I? – A pirate ship!
73. What do pirates like to read? – Treasure Island!
74. What do you call a pirate that skips class? – Captain Hooky!
75. Ye find me at the end of the rainbow, what be I? – Pirate treasure!
76. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? – A rookie!
77. What do pirates wear on their feet? – Arrrrgyle socks!
78. What travels the seas and robs ships but is not a pirate? – The ocean!
79. What do ye call a pirate who avoids work? – A barrrrggler!
80. What do pirates like to watch on TV? – The Weather Channel!

Pirate One-Liners

81. My friend didn’t pay the pirate to pierce his ears. It cost him a buccaneer!
82. Pirate pick up line: “Come sail away with me!”
83. Pirate captains don’t accept new crew members without an RRRRresume.
84. Pirate 1: Did you hear about the new pirate movie? Pirate 2: Arrrgh, what’s it rated?
85. Pirate 1: How much is pirating software? Pirate 2: It’s booty-free!
86. Pirate dentist sign: “We keel all yer pains!”
87. Pirate on date night: “Shall we walk the plank tonight?”
88. Pirate gamer: “I’m all about that pirate loot!”
89. Pirate gardener: “Time to plunder me spinach patch!”
90. Pirate TV announcer: “Stay tuned after this break for more pirate puns.”

Pirate Quotes and Sayings

91. “Dead men tell no tales.” – Pirate proverb
92. “Wherever we want to go, we go. That’s what a ship is, you know. It’s not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails. That’s what a ship needs. But what a ship is, what the Black Pearl really is, is freedom.” – Captain Jack Sparrow
93. “Why is the rum always gone?” – Jack Sparrow
94. “You are a pirate!” – Elizabeth Swann
95. “Drink up me hearties yo ho!” – Pirate song lyrics
96. “We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties, Yo Ho! We kidnap, ravage and don’t give a hoot. Drink up me hearties, Yo Ho!” – Pirates of the Caribbean song
97. “For piracy, the ends always justify the means.” – The Enigma of the Queen’s Ransom by Robert Briggs
98. “You don’t need pants for the victory dance.” – Captain Jack Sparrow
99. “In a world full of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.” – Hunter S. Thompson
100. “The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” – Captain Jack Sparrow

Frequently Asked Questions About Pirate Jokes

Still curious about pirate jokes? Here are answers to some frequently asked questions:

Where did pirate jokes originate?

Pirate jokes became popular in the early 20th century and experienced a revival with the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise starting in the 2000s. They stem from pirate lore and pop culture over the centuries.

Why do pirates say “Arrr!”?

While it’s a stereotype, pirates likely did roll their “R’s” and say “Arrr!” because that was a common West Country sailor accent at the time. It may have been exaggerated in pop culture over time.

What are some kid-friendly pirate jokes?

The knock knock jokes, puns, and one-liners in this post are generally clean humor safe for kids. You can also search for “kids pirate jokes” for more child-friendly options.

What are the most popular pirate jokes?

Some of the most classic and popular pirate jokes include the “Arrr matey!” jokes, pirate puns (buccaneer, arrrgs), and jokes about walking the plank or pirate injuries/accessories.

How can I come up with more pirate jokes?

Get creative with pirate lingo like “ahoy, avast ye, matey, arrrrgh” and pepper it into standard joke templates. Puns also work great for pirate jokes – think hooks, planks, legs, parrots, sailing terms, etc.

So let this collection of jokes set sail to bring laughter into your home or office. With these 100 pirate jokes in your arsenal, you’ll be ready to provide entertainment for kids and adults alike. So pick your favorites and help spread the funny pirate cheer. Just be prepared for lots of “Arrrr!” and pirate impressions in return!