100 Eye Jokes You Never See Coming But Will Keep You Laughing!

Eyes are one of the most expressive and important parts of the human body. Eye jokes can be so hilarious – they play on our reliance on vision in unexpected and punny ways. Get ready to laugh your eyes out with this collection of 100 funny eye jokes!

1. Eye Can’t Believe These Jokes

Let’s start this off with some silly eyeball puns:

I was going to tell an eye joke, but I think you’d find it cornea.
I tried to make an eyeball cake for Halloween. It was a cute iris!
My friend got pink eye after using a dirty contact lens case. I told her to make an appoint-mint with her eye doctor.
I thought my vision was 2020, but turns out I’m far sighted.
I wanted to be an optometrist, but I just didn’t have the retina for it.
I went to get new glasses but couldn’t see anything clearly. Turns out I didn’t have my pupils dilated.

2. Keep Your Eyes Peeled for More

Here are some jokes about keeping your eyes open:

I was struggling to stay awake during my eye exam. The optometrist said, “Keep your eyes peeled!”
My friend has no eyelids. He can’t blink! I told him to keep his eyes clothed.
I’m bad at staring contests because I can’t keep my eyes patched on one thing for long.
I was daydreaming with my eyes open and my mom yelled – “Keep your eyes skinned!”
My boss caught me napping at work. He said “Keep your eyes unzipped!” I need to stay focused.

3. The Eyes Have It

Jokes about eyes and vision:

Don’t bother buying glasses if you have bad eyesight. Just drink until you see clearly!
I got LASIK eye surgery done, but I still can’t see myself going back to work on Monday.
I went to the eye doctor and he said I have a cataract. But I don’t even own a cat!
My friend drinks too much coffee. She told me she’s going to switch to de-caf so she can get rid of her mug eyes.
I wanted to be an optician but I couldn’t make the cut. The career didn’t look too promising.
I’m nearsighted, but I refuse to get glasses. I guess you could say I have a close minded approach.

4. Look Who It Is!

Funny eye puns:

Did you hear about the restaurant for optometrists? It has great menu-vision!
My friend got a job at the eyewear store. He says there are perks to the position.
I wanted contacts instead of glasses, but my insurance doesn’t cover them. Turns out I have a lack of lens coverage.
I can’t see anything without my glasses! My world is a blur.
I’m so nearsighted I thought I saw my friend across the street, but it was a total optical illusion.

5. Eye Spy More Jokes

Jokes about eyesight and vision tests:

During my eye exam, the doctor asked me to read the bottom line on the chart. I told him, “I C, said the blind man.”
I failed my vision test because I couldn’t read the letters on the 10th line. Turns out I’m ten blind.
I have astigmatism in my left eye. Whenever I wink, it makes me blink!
I used eyedrops, but now my vision is even worse. The instructions must have said to take them orally.
I got glasses for my astigmatism, but they make my eyes feel contorted.
My optometrist says I’m farsighted, but I think my future looks blurry.

6. Funny Expressions With Eyes

Here are some popular idioms and expressions using eyes:

Julie was staring at her crush – she only had eyes for him.
The bakery display made my mouth water and my eyes bigger than my stomach!
James was dressed to the nines for his date – but she never batted an eye.
I was so tired this morning, I could barely keep my eyes open.
Sarah saw the car accident happen – she was an eyewitness.
My baby’s eyes lit up when she saw her birthday cake.

7. More Hilarious Eyeball Jokes

Jokes about eye exams and eye anatomy:

When I couldn’t read the eye chart, the doctor said I have FITS – Frustrated Iris Tracking Syndrome.
The optician recommended IUDs – Intraocular Vision Devices (glasses!)
I wear bifocals so I can see both near and afar. My friends say I have hindsight and foresight.
My eye doctor looked deep into my pupils and said “I see great potential in you!”
During the staring contest, my opponent’s eyes started bloodshotting all over from not blinking!

8. That’s Using Your Noodle!

Jokes about the eyes and brain:

I cross my eyes to help me concentrate better. My boss calls them my thinking caps.
The neuro-optometrist studies the eyes to diagnose brain disorders. He’s got his eye on the mind.
My brain hurts from reading too much. I think I need glasses for my mind’s eye!
I got a black eye from thinking too hard and my eyeball popping out.
I wanted to memory wipe my brain to forget my ex. The doctor said I can’t scrub my mind’s eye!

9. Look Into My Eyes

Funny eye jokes and puns:

The hypnotist kept swinging his watch, saying “Look into my eyes, look into my eyes!” I told him, “First you have to wind your watch.”
I looked into my girlfriend’s eyes and told her I’m lost in her irises. She said, “You mean pupils?” Oops.
The eye doctor checked my pupils with his ophthalmoscope. He said, “I see your future and it looks bright!”
I wanted to see a hypnotist to improve my vision. Turns out they only work on the mind’s eye.
Staring into someone’s eyes is intense. Eye contact can be a real iris opener!

10. Lashes and Lens Jokes

Jokes about eyelashes, contacts, and glasses:

I glued fake eyelashes on my glasses to feel glamorous. But they kept falling onto the lenses!
My dog ate one of my contact lenses. He’s got eagle eyes now from the magnification.
I wanted lash extensions, but the salon assistant glued my eyes shut instead!
My glasses kept fogging up when I wore a mask. I should’ve wiped them with de-mist!
I popped my colored contacts in, but forgot I already had lenses in. My eyes looked like rainbow swirls!

Eye Jokes FAQs

Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about eye jokes and humor:

Why are eye jokes and puns so popular?

Eyes are very familiar to everyone, so we can all relate to jokes about vision, glasses, contacts, and more. The important role of eyes in everyday life makes jokes about sight, eyesight tests, and eye doctors universally humorous.

What makes a good eye joke?

Great eye jokes often play with vision puns, like cornea/cornier or pupil/people. Idioms related to eyes work well too, like “keeping your eyes peeled.” Jokes also commonly poke fun at glasses, contacts, checkups, and problems like nearsightedness.

Are eye jokes offensive to those with vision impairments?

Eye jokes are generally lighthearted puns intended for laughter. However, it’s best to avoid mocking serious eye conditions like blindness. Most vision-impaired people enjoy jokes if they aren’t mean-spirited. Laughter helps us bond over shared human experiences.

Where can I find more eye jokes and puns?

This list covers 100 hilarious eye jokes, but there are lots more out there! Search online eye humor blogs, joke websites, pun lists, and eye care sites. You can also get creative and come up with your own new jokes about vision.

Can I use these eye jokes in a comedy routine?

Yes, feel free to tell these jokes to friends and family or incorporate them into a comedy act. Always give credit to the original source. Eye jokes tend to work well delivered rapid-fire as a series or list. Have fun making people laugh their eyes out!