The French have a fantastic sense of humor and love to joke around. French jokes range from silly puns to satirical observations about French culture and society. Many French jokes poke fun at their own quirks and habits. From Napoleon to cheese and wine, here are 100 of the funniest French jokes guaranteed to make you laugh!
1. The French General
A French general was admiring himself in front of a mirror before a parade and said: “I look so fantastique in this uniform! I am ze most handsome general in all of France.”
His aide replied: “You are ze only general in France.”
2. Napoleon’s Height
Did you hear about the new book about Napoleon? It’s called ‘Bonaparte Wasn’t Short.’
It’s a work of fiction!
3. The French Cowboy
What do you call a French cowboy?
Un conboy!
4. French Tank
Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors?
So they can see the battlefield!
5. French War Heroes
Name three of France’s greatest war heroes:
- Retreat
- Surrender
- Collaborate
6. The Legionnaire
A legionnaire was on night patrol and saw a shadowy figure dart across the compound. He shouted “Qui va la?” (Who goes there?). When he got no response, he fired a warning shot. Still no response, so he moved closer to investigate. As he got near, the figure jumped out and shouted “UUID UUID!” The legionnaire laughed and said “Good one. I didn’t realize computers were on patrol tonight!”
7. French Toast
Why do the French only eat one piece of toast for breakfast?
Because one piece is pain enough!
8. Napoleon’s Diary
I found Napoleon’s diary recently and it said on one page: “Wake up, wash face, conquer Russia”
On the next page it said: “Wake up, wash face”
9. French Military Victories
Teacher: Give me three important French military victories.
Student thinking hard: How about Austerlitz, Jena and Waterloo?
Teacher: I told you FRENCH military victories!
10. Napoleon and Josephine
Napoleon: I will conquer all of Europe for you my love! Josephine: That’s so sweet honey, but could you just take out the trash first?
11. French Rifles
Why do French soldiers carry white flags instead of rifles?
It’s faster to raise the white flag than reload!
12. Napoleon the Farmer
If Napoleon had decided to be a farmer instead of an emperor, he would have cultivated the beets of Europe.
13. French Dictionary
Someone asked me if I had a French dictionary. I told them yes it’s a dictionary from France.
They said, “No, I mean a dictionary of French words and their definitions.”
I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t have that. But I have a dictionary from France. It has definitions of all the other languages.”
14. French Father
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol and decided to put it into practice. He took out 2 glasses and poured gin into one and water into the other. He grabbed a worm and put it into the gin. It died immediately.
Then he put a worm into the water glass. It continued to swim happily. “Now son, what does this experiment prove?” he asked.
His son replied, “Well if you drink gin, you won’t get worms!”
15. French Dog
An American tourist goes to France and while there he decides to buy a French poodle. Once he brings the dog home, his neighbor sees the poodle and says, “I thought you said you were bringing back a French poodle, but it doesn’t look French at all!”
The tourist replies, “Of course he’s French! If he wasn’t French, why would he smell like this?”
16. French Driver
How do you recognize a French car on the highway?
It’s the one driving in reverse!
17. French Quarterback
What’s the difference between American football and French football?
The French quarterback yells “Omelette!” instead of hike!
18. French Wedding Night
Pierre had just gotten married and was on his honeymoon. As he got into bed, he slid over and cuddled up to his new wife, smiling with anticipation. His wife yelled at him, “Get off me! We’re not married yet!”
Very confused Pierre replied, “But darling we just got married an hour ago!”
She huffed and shouted back, “We’re not married until you take off my nightgown!”
19. French Birth Control
Q: What is the most common French method of birth control?
A: A glass of water – it makes them limp!
20. French Queue
An American tourist in Paris wanted to see if what he had heard about the French was true, so when he was standing in line at the immigration counter and it was his turn, he said to the agent: “I want to test if Frenchmen avoid work whenever possible, so can you point me to the longest line here at the airport?”
The agent smiled and said “Sir, this is the longest line at the airport.”
21. French Weddings
Jean-Claude got married last week, but he forgot to invite his mother to the wedding. He thought his oversight may cause hard feelings, so he stopped by his mom’s house to explain.
“Mama, I’m so sorry I forgot to invite you to my wedding, but it was a small, informal ceremony without any guests.”
His mother looked at him with fury and shouted, “The day you get married without guests will be the day I get buried without a funeral!”
22. French Generals
Why do French tanks have 5 reverse gears and only 1 forward?
In case the general wants to retreat in a hurry!
23. French Abstinence
A Frenchman visits Ireland and ask an Irish girl in a bar, “Will you make love to me for 1 million euro?”
She thinks about it and says, “Ok, I will make love to you for 1 million euro.”
The Frenchman says, “Oh…I forgot to mention, I am actually from France so I really don’t have that much money on me now. Can we just have a cup of coffee instead?”
The Irish girl says, “Of course! I didn’t realize you were French, no problem.”
That’s the Irish girl’s idea of abstinence.
24. French Captain
An American soldier, a British soldier and a French soldier are captured by the Germans and thrown into a prison cell. The guard says, “I will grant you each one wish before I torture and kill you.”
The American says, “I wish to see my family one last time.” His wish is granted.
The British soldier says, “I wish to smoke one last cigar.” This wish is also granted.
The guard turns to the French soldier. “And what is your final wish?”
“I don’t need a last wish. I’m French! Just do whatever you want with me!”
25. French Cooking
My friend thinks French cooking is the height of civilization. I think Chinese cooking is the height of civilization. He says French cooking values the ingredients. I say Chinese cooking understands change better. He says French cooking celebrates life. I say Chinese cooking nurtures life. Which do you think is right?
Friend, we’re both right in our own way. There is beauty in both perspectives. Perhaps we can learn from each other’s views and come to appreciate both cuisines even more.
26. French Flag
How come the French flag is just plain white?
It’s in mint condition, never been used!
27. French Army Knife
Why does the French Army carry bread knives instead of Swiss Army knives?
Because bread knives work better when retreating!
28. French Summit
There was an international summit held in Paris to address global issues. During a break, the leaders of the US, the UK, and France went out to a cafe for coffee. As they talked, a fly came buzzing around their table. The American swatted it away, the Brit carefully shooed it out the window, while the Frenchman slammed his fist down and killed it completely.
The other leaders stared at him quizzically. “We are at an international peace summit!” the American chided.
“Why did you do that?” asked the Brit, appalled.
The Frenchman shrugged. “It is what we do best. Overreact to threats.”
29. The French Skeptic
A French skeptic was visiting Lourdes, the Catholic pilgrimage site famous for its healing waters. He watched in disbelief as the crippled, the deaf and the blind descended into the waters and came out cured.
He turned to his friend and said, “This is truly unbelievable! I cannot deny the miracles I am witnessing here.”
His friend replied, “I doubt them nevertheless.”
30. French Wisdom
An American tourist was marveling at the wisdom embodied in French proverbs.
“I love the French proverb ‘One must sleep on an idea before taking action,’” he said to his French companion. “We Americans would do well to learn from such deliberation.”
The Frenchman replied, “That is a nice proverb, but we have another that I think is more fitting to my culture: ‘Act first, think later.’”
31. French Cats
Why don’t cats meow with a French accent?
Because they have their own meow-ther tongue!
32. French Botanist
A French botanist was giving a lecture about the classification of flowers to an audience. “Ze flowers can be grouped into ze families like ze daisies, roses, lilies and more. But my favorite group is ze bacon bits!”
The audience laughed thinking he had made a mistake.
The botanist frowned. “Why do you laugh? Do you not know of ze famed bacon bits family including ze lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise flowers?”
33. Napoleon’s Hat
Why did Napoleon always have his hand inside his jacket?
He was keeping his chess hand warm.
34. French Hospitality
An American tourist in Paris finds that his hotel is far away from all the major attractions. He asks a local gentleman for walking directions to the Eiffel Tower.
The Frenchman thinks for a while and says hesitantly, “Ahh…to get to the Eiffel Tower from here, sir, I’m afraid the best way is to go to Marseille, then take a train to Avignon, then a bus to Lyon, followed by another train ride to Paris…I do apologize for the inconvenience.”
35. French Quarterback
How do you separate the men from the boys in France?
With a crowbar!
36. Napoleon’s Ambition
Teacher: What was Napoleon’s ambition?
Student: Napoleon wanted to conquer the world, but he failed and was exiled to the island of Elba instead.
Teacher: Correct. And what did he do next?
Student: Well, Elba has really good beaches so he was probably just chilling.
37. French Army
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German all stand behind a tree during military exercises.
The Englishman steps out from behind the tree and bang, gets shot.
The Frenchman and the German look at each other. The Frenchman closes his eyes, counts to 10, leaps out from behind the tree and bang, also gets shot.
The German rolls his eyes and continues to hide behind the tree.
38. French Surrender
During WW2, a French general wanted to honor the valiant fighting spirit of some of his soldiers, so he lined up the bravest men for medals.
He went to pin the first medal on a young private and accidentally poked him with the pin.
The private immediately surrendered!
39. Paris Traffic
An American tourist driving in Paris became enraged at the traffic and yelled, “The traffic here is terrible! It’s worse than New York!”
A Parisian driver shrugged and replied, “But in New York, you only need to honk. Here in Paris you must also curse and gesture!”
40. French Productivity
A German working in France told his French colleague, “In Germany, we work very hard — Monday to Friday we work 8 hours, Saturday we work for 4 hours, and Sunday we relax.”
The French colleague replied, “So in France we do it the other way round.”
41. French Military
The year is 1940 and the scene is a French military strategy meeting.
General 1: “The Germans have broken through our lines. Their tanks are heading straight for us!”
General 2: “Don’t panic men. Hand me the red marker, we must update our maps immediately!”
42. French Negotiation
A French diplomat was recently in negotiations to free French hostages held abroad. They asked for a million euros per hostage.
He counter offered 500,000 euros per hostage. They refused and ended the call.
His assistant said, “Sir, isn’t this a dangerous situation for our citizens? Why didn’t you just pay what they asked?”
The diplomat replied, “My friend, this is France. We always negotiate downwards.”
43. French Fishing
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian go on a fishing trip. Who catches the first fish?
The Russian – because neither the Englishman nor the Frenchman took any fishing tackle with them.
44. Napoleon’s Mistake
Everyone says Napoleon made a big mistake when he tried invading Russia. But his biggest mistake was when he placed an order for 20,000 pink winter uniforms.
45. French Resistance
During WW2, a French resistance fighter was caught by the Nazis and thrown into prison. After weeks of torture, he still refused to speak. Finally, in frustration, the Nazis brought in his mother and threatened to kill her.
The Frenchman shrugged and replied, “Go ahead but I doubt you’ll get any useful information out of her.”
46. French Success
A Frenchman was asked about the greatest military victories in his country’s history.
He replied proudly, “First there was the Battle of Marignano in 1515 which protected our independence. Then came the valiant defense of Verdun in 1916 during the First World War. But the greatest was in 1940 when 110 French divisions held off 12 German divisions for nearly 2 weeks!”
47. Napoleon’s Plan
Napoleon’s generals asked him what his complex military strategies are for an upcoming battle. Napoleon simply replies, “Envelop the enemy, crush them, make them surrender.”
His generals roll their eyes. “Yes, but specifically what’s the plan?”
48. French Spy
A French spy has infiltrated an enemy military base. His commander urgently radios him, “Have you secured the secret plans?”
“Yes, monsieur,” the spy replies, “I have photocopied them.”
“Photocopied? Fool!” his commander yells. “We French use carbon paper!”
49. French Defense Technology
A French engineer, a British engineer and a German engineer are arguing about who has the most advanced defense technology.
The British engineer says, “We have developed missile systems that have pinpoint accuracy at ranges of over 300 km.”
The German engineer says, “That’s nothing, our missiles have ranges of over 500 km.”
The French engineer says, “That’s nothing compared to us. We have created missiles that can turn around 180 degrees in under 100 meters when the enemy approaches them.”
50. Napoleon’s Socks
Napoleon’s wife Josephine told him, “Your socks smell awful! Please change them immediately.”
Napoleon glared at her and proclaimed, “Impossible! I cannot change my socks now. The Austrians have crossed the border and are marching this way!”
51. French Cuisine
At a fancy French restaurant, a customer called the waiter over. “I’d like to order the snails please.”
The waiter grimaced. “I must apologize monsieur, but we are out of snails.”
“Oh,” said the customer. “In that case, I’d like some fast food.”
52. Napoleon’s Horse
Napoleon’s horse got stolen so he decided to steal an even better one. But he ran into a problem – it was a vicious stallion that kept bucking him off violently.
After falling hard on his backside for the 10th time, Napoleon shouted in frustration, “This horse is impossible to ride and I am the greatest military strategist in history! I will tame you yet, beast!”
53. French Curfew
During Nazi occupation, the French resistance decided to blow up a bridge at night to cut off enemy supply lines. But first they had to sneak past the curfew enforced by German soldiers.
The resistance fighters discussed various elaborate plans to quietly make it to the bridge undetected. Finally their leader spoke up, “This is too complicated, comrades. I know of an easier way. We’ll just walk there while waving little white flags!”
54. Napoleon’s Logic
Napoleon was looking at a map of Europe with his generals.
One general pointed to Russia and said “Sire, attacking Russia would be most unwise given the harsh winters.”
Napoleon snorted. “Nonsense! I have deduced through logic that Russia must have mild winters. After all, who ever heard of a country so large being very cold?”
55. French Wine Tasting
At a prestigious French wine-tasting event, the first guest swirled his glass and remarked “Ahh, aromas of raspberry and oak.” Another swirled and said “I detect hints of blackberry and chocolate.”
The last guest took a sip and
nodded appreciatively. “Yes, I believe this wine was made from grapes.”
56. French Delicacies
An American visitor in a French restaurant was confused looking at the menu so he asked the waiter to recommend a dish.
The waiter said, “Our chef’s speciality is escargot.”
The American made a face. “Snails? Can’t you just give me a burger and fries?”
The waiter sighed. “Sir, the chef trained for years in the art of French cuisine just to cook microwave meals for uncultured swine.”
57. French Compliments
An American businessman had a meeting in Paris and tried to break the ice with his French colleagues by paying them compliments.
To one gentleman, he said “You must work out, your muscles are so big!”
To a lady, he smiled “My, what lovely hair you have!”
The French people just looked offended. After the meeting, the American asked his local friend what went wrong.
“We French do not care for such shallow flattery about physical looks,” his friend explained. “But you may safely compliment our cowardice and rudeness.”
58. French Wisdom
An American tourist was surprised by the unique wisdom embodied in French proverbs.
He told his French friend, “I love your saying ‘One must sleep on an idea before acting.’ It shows such thoughtfulness.”
The Frenchman replied, “We have another good proverb – ‘He who hesitates is lost.’ My friend, our proverbs are like our roads. They go in all directions so you can choose your own path!”
59. French Soldiers
Some newly recruited French soldiers were being drilled on basic weapons usage.
The sergeant ordered, “Ready weapons!”
The young soldiers all grabbed their guns and pointed them at each other in a panic.
The sergeant sighed. “This is going to be a long day…”
60. Napoleon’s Strategy
Napoleon was outlining his master plans for defeating the Austrians to his generals.
“First we feint an attack to the center. Then we outflank the enemy and encircle them. Finally we swoop in for the fatal blow!”
The generals stared at him blankly.
Napoleon shook his head sadly. “You’re right, much too complicated. Let’s just surrender cleanly instead.”
61. French Ambition
An ambitious young officer approached Napoleon and said, “I have my heart set on joining your inner circle of generals and advisors. How may I prove my worth?”
Napoleon glanced at him and scoffed. “The only thing you have proven so far is your willingness to interrupt my breakfast.”
62. French Queue
An American tourist lining up at Paris airport was getting impatient with how slowly the queue was moving. He complained loudly, “This line is so damn slow and useless!”
Hearing this, a Frenchman further back quietly left the queue and went looking for another longer one to join.
63. French Horses
Two Frenchmen were comparing the horses they owned.
Pierre said, “My horse is so fast, he can cross the entire country in just 3 days!”
Jacque replied, “Bah! My horse is far better. He can cross the country in just one day!”
Surprised, Pierre asked, “Mon dieu! Your horse must have amazing stamina. But tell me, why would you want a horse that helps you flee at the first sign of danger?”
64. French Marksman
A Frenchman wanted to be a great marksman so he set up targets in his backyard and practiced shooting. But every time he took aim, the targets seemed to move out of the way before he could fire! In frustration, he went to ask his neighbour Jean for advice.
Jean watched him try to shoot and smiled. “My friend, those targets are not avoiding you. It is simply that you keep closing both eyes when you pull the trigger!”
65. French Soldier
During a battle, a French soldier takes out his white handkerchief and waves it wildly yelling “We surrender! We surrender!”
His comrades shout at him, “You fool, the fighting has not even started yet!”
66. French Logic
A French philosopher sought to prove that he could logically deduce anything. His friend challenged him to use logic to determine the height of the Eiffel Tower.
The philosopher thought for a bit and said, “Here is my argument:
- I exist.
- I cannot imagine anything greater than myself.
- Therefore, the Eiffel Tower cannot be taller than me.”
His friend laughed and said, “That is terrible logic! Let us go empirically measure the tower.”
The philosopher reluctantly agreed but grumbled, “Stupid Eiffel Tower ruining my perfect logic…”
67. French Nightlife
An American tourist was out late in a Paris bar district. At 2 AM he asked a passerby, “Doesn’t this area get dangerous and rowdy late at night?”
The Frenchman looked offended. “Monsieur, this is not America. In France, we do not have random violence and debauchery at night. We reserve those for the afternoon.”
68. French War Heroes
A teacher asked her students, “Who are the greatest French war heroes?”
One eager student raised his hand and said, “I know, madame! The greatest French war heroes are Napoléon Bonaparte, Charlemagne and Joan of Arc!”
The teacher shook her head disapprovingly. “Those aren’t heroes, those are legends. Please name historical war heroes.”
The student thought hard but could not answer.
69. French Lady
A pretty French lady walked by a group of American GIs and said alluringly, “Hello boys, I haven’t seen a man in weeks.”
One of the GIs smiled and approached her, only to be slapped in the face.
“Get away from me!” yelled the French girl. “Just because I haven’t seen a man doesn’t mean I want to!”
70. French Paratroopers
Some French paratroopers were on a plane about to make their first jump. The lieutenant called out, “Just remember your training and you’ll be fine.”
One nervous recruit raised his hand, “But sir, we had no parachute training, just lessons on how to surrender properly.”
71. French Diplomacy
A diplomat representing France arrives in a foreign country to negotiate an agreement. But instead of bargaining hard for his nation’s interests, he immediately accepts all demands, hands over everything requested, signs a treaty hugely favoring the other side, then politely takes his leave.
Upon returning home, his government congratulates him for successfully upholding the proud French diplomatic tradition.
72. French Cooking
An arrogant French chef was boasting about the supremacy of French cuisine. “No one can match our cooking’s richness and depth of flavor. French culinary skills are unparalleled!”
His American friend replied, “Well, our barbecue and diner food may be simple, but they have soul and make people happy.”
The chef snorted. “Making customers happy is not the goal. The chef’s vision comes first!”
73. Napoleon’s Hat
Why did Napoleon have his hand tucked inside his coat?
He was keeping it warm in case he needed to raise it to surrender!
74. French Wisdom
A tourist was surprised by the contradictions in French proverbs. He noted:
“One says ‘strike while the iron is hot’ but another says ‘look before you leap’. One advises ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’ while another warns ‘better safe than sorry’.”
His French companion chuckled, “Ah, but monsieur, two contradictory proverbs simply gives you two options. And more options is always better!”
75. French War Films
A French film director decided to make an epic war movie showing the bravery of his countrymen against German forces.
The opening scene depicted hundreds of French resistance fighters ambushing and annihilating thousands of Germans using only pistols and grenades.
On seeing the footage, the producers angrily stopped filming. “This is completely unrealistic! No Frenchman could inflict such devastating losses!”
76. Napoleon’s Disguise
Napoleon decides to walk among the common people to see what they really think of him. He puts on a disguise and goes into a Paris cafe, where he overhears a man remark, “This tyrant Napoleon needs to be taught a lesson!”
Furious, Napoleon rips off his disguise and declares, “How dare you insult your Emperor Napoleon!”
The man looks confused and says, “Napoleon? I said Marion… I need a nap, O leon (oh lion).”
77. French Military Research
Some French army officers visit a military research lab to see projects in development.
A scientist shows them metallic ally armour. “This new armour is indestructible!” To test it, he fires a pistol but the bullet bounces off.
Impressed, the officers asks, “How about you let us take some rounds at it?”
The scientist smiles nervously. “Ah sorry messieurs, we do not issue samples until after prototypes are tested for, eh, bullet sensitivity.”
78. French Quarterback
How do you separate the men from the boys in France?
With a crowbar!
79. French Defeat
A French general returned home after suffering a terrible defeat. His friends tried consoling him, “Don’t feel bad, not even Napoleon won all his battles.”
The general shook his head. “Defeat I can accept, it’s an occupational hazard. But my superior is insisting I write a report analyzing our ‘victory’.”
80. French Wine
At a prestigious French wine-tasting contest, the first taster swirled his glass and declared “I taste hints of plum and violet.” The second one said “I detect oak and blackberry flavors.”
The third taster took a sip and frowned. “I don’t think this is wine. It tastes like water flavored with grape juice.”
The others looked shocked. The organizer intervened, “Monsieur, the water is for cleaning your palate between wines!”
81. French Cannons
During a siege, a French fortress was using cannons to hold off the attackers. But the commander noticed none of the cannons were firing anymore.
He asked the artillery captain, “Why have the cannons fallen silent?”
The captain shrugged and said, “The cannons are fine, but we’ve run out of white flags to load into them.”
82. Napoleon’s Logistics
Napoleon had amassed a vast army to invade Russia but struggled with supply logistics.
An advisor warned, “The Russian winter will kill your men without proper provisions.”
Napoleon scoffed, “Nonsense! My army will forage for food. And if there is no food, we’ll eat snow. And if there is no snow, we’ll eat air. Problem solved!”
83. French Martial Arts
What are the 3 levels of French martial arts?
- Saying you know martial arts
- Pretending to know martial arts
- Running away when threatened
84. French Spy
A French spy parachuted behind enemy lines on a vital mission. As soon as he landed, he immediately walked up to the nearest soldier and said, “Take me to your leader, I surrender!”
85. French Adventurers
Two Frenchmen decided to hike into the African wilderness seeking adventure. After only an hour they ran back into town, pale and shaken.
Their friend asked, “Mon dieu! What scared you so badly out there?”
One man shuddered. “We saw lion footprints and heard such terrifying roars!”
His friend nodded and cried, “Yes, we barely made it back alive!”
86. French Patriotism
An American and a Frenchman were bragging about who loved their home country more.
The American said, “I love the USA so much I would take a bullet for her!”
The Frenchman scoffed and replied, “I love France so much I would step out of the way of any oncoming bullets headed for her!”
87. Napoleon’s Plan
Napoleon’s generals asked him what his complex battle plans were for an upcoming campaign. Napoleon simply replied, “We attack in the center, outflank the enemy, divide their force, and force surrender.”
The generals rolled their eyes. “Yes, but do you have an actual SPECIFIC plan?”
Napoleon shook his head impatiently. “You want operational details when we haven’t seen the battlefield? What if it rains, do we bring umbrellas or cancel the war?”
88. French Pick Up Lines
A young Frenchman wanted to impress a woman, so he tried out various pick up lines:
-“Excusez-moi, you look so gorgeous, I feel like invading you.”
-“Your beauty makes me want to drop my weapons and raise my hands.”
-“Seeing you leaves me breathless, like getting kicked by a mule.”
Sadly, none of these lines succeeded.
89. French Soldier
During a battle, a French soldier suddenly put up a white flag and started walking toward the enemy, shouting “Je me rends!” (I surrender!)
His fellow soldiers yelled, “Get back here, you fool! The fighting hasn’t even started yet!”
90. French Productivity
A German businessman in France told his colleague, “Our work ethic is so strong – we work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. What about you French?”
His colleague replied, “We French do it the other way around.”
91. French War Heroes
A teacher asked her class to name great French war heroes. One student eagerly raised his hand and said, “I know – Napoleon Bonaparte, Charlemagne, Vercingetorix!”
The teacher shook her head disapprovingly. “Those aren’t heroes, those are legends! Can you name any historical French war heroes?”
The student thought hard but could not answer.
92. French Pride
Jean-Claude was on a crowded bus when some tourists entered, but no one offered them a seat. Jean-Claude immediately stood up and gestured for the weary tourists to take his seat.
One smiled gratefully and said, “Thank you! French people have such courtesy.”
Jean-Claude drew himself up proudly. “Of course, we French always aim to uphold our global reputation for arrogance and rudeness!”
93. French Military Strategy
A French general outlines his new military strategy:
“First we make a feint retreat to draw the enemy forward. Then our artillery surrounds and ambushes them from three sides. Finally we attack their rear, splitting their forces. They will surrender in days!”
His officers stare blankly. One asks, “Don’t we usually just surrender upfront to spare the fuss?”
The general sighs. “You’re right, my plan is too complicated.”
94. French Victory
After a great battle, a French general proudly reviewed his intact forces and said, “Men, we have won a tremendous victory today through courage and martial skill!”
His men looked confused. One asked, “Um, sir, we all retreated without firing a shot… We assumed you had surrendered for us.”
95. French Foreplay
How do French men practice foreplay? They read the terms of surrender to each other.
96. French War Report
A French general had to give a report after a humiliating defeat. He wrote:
“The cowardly enemy failed to fall for our brilliant tactical retreat. Their barbaric cavalry prevailed only through sheer luck. Nevertheless, our honorable troops fought with utmost bravery before being ruthlessly overwhelmed.”
His superior officer replied, “An excellent report, though in the future please specify WHICH enemy you refer to.”
97. French Army Training
A new French soldier was proud to start his training. On the first day, the instructor said, “First we will teach you how to surrendered properly.”
The recruit asked, “Shouldn’t we learn how to shoot guns first?”
The instructor laughed. “Guns? Mon ami, surrendering doesn’t require guns!”
98. Napoleon’s Hat
Why did Napoleon keep his hand tucked inside his coat?
- To keep it warm for waving white flags!
99. French Battlefield
During a skirmish, a French soldier got shot in the arm. He cried out, dropped his rifle and yelled, “That’s it, I surrender!”
His comrades shouted, “What are you doing? It’s just a small wound!”
He replied, “Oui, but it still counts as first blood.”
100. French Paratrooper Training
On their first jump, some French paratroopers are nervous. The sergeant barks, “Remember your training and you’ll be fine!”
One recruit asks, “But sir, we were just taught how to surrender and bake baguettes. Can’t we do a ground assault instead?”
The sergeant sighs. “This will be a long war…”
FAQ about French Jokes
Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about French jokes:
Q: Are French jokes offensive or mean-spirited?
A: Not necessarily. The majority of French jokes simply poke light fun at cultural stereotypes about France, such as a love of wine and cheese or a tendency to surrender quickly in battles. However, some jokes can be in poor taste or go too far. Generally as long as the humor is not hateful, French jokes are considered acceptable.
Q: What are the most common themes in French jokes?
A: Some of the most prevalent themes are:
- Surrendering, retreats and losing wars
- Rudeness, arrogance, increased sophistication
- Bad military performance and capabilities
- Obsession with wine, cheese and bread
- Romance, fashion and high culture
Q: Are French jokes popular outside of France?
A: Yes, French jokes are well-known in countries like America, Britain and throughout Europe. The jokes poke fun at common stereotypes foreigners have about the French based on past conflicts and cultural perceptions. However, the French
themselves also enjoy jokes about their own reputations and follies.
Q: Why do French jokes often involve surrendering?
A: This dates back to France’s quick defeat by Germany in WWII. The image of France easily surrendering to the Nazis created a reputation for French weakness in war that persists through jokes today. Historically, France was a feared military power so the jokes play off this contradiction.
Q: Do the French find jokes about themselves funny?
A: Many do enjoy lighthearted jokes that exaggerate their cultural quirks and habits. However, meaner jokes that insult their courage or dignity are not appreciated. The French have a long proud history that jokes shouldn’t demean. Overall, the French appreciate clever wit and satire more than crude mocking.
Q: Are any French jokes censored or prohibited?
A: Generally not within France, since they have free speech rights to tell jokes. However, context matters – telling an offensive joke about the French in France versus appreciating the humor from afar differs. As long as jokes aren’t truly hateful, mocking a silly stereotype itself isn’t prohibited.
Q: What’s the best way to share French jokes without causing offense?
A: Focus on innocuous silly stereotypes, keep the tone light-hearted rather than mean, and know your audience. Understand that no nation likes to be unfairly ridiculed. Emphasizing the inherent absurdity and exaggeration in jokes makes them funnier for all.
So in summary, French jokes let us all laugh together at the quirky side of cultural differences! When done right, they reveal endearing truths about our shared human nature.
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