What better way to liven up the atmosphere in a bar than by sharing some hilarious bar jokes! In this post, we’ve gathered 100 of the funniest bar jokes that will have you and your friends laughing so hard you’ll spit out your drinks (okay, maybe not that hard!).
A Collection of Hilarious Bar Jokes
From walks into a bar jokes to alcohol-inspired puns, this extensive collection has something funny for everyone. We’ve organized the jokes into different categories so you can easily find the types of bar jokes you like most.
Classic Walks Into a Bar Jokes
These timeless walks into a bar jokes follow the classic setup of someone walking into a bar and saying or doing something hilarious. They’re simple, but pack a comedic punch.
- A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. When the neutron gets his beer, he asks the bartender, “How much do I owe you?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
- A child custard walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, you’re too young to be in here.”
- A guy walks into a bar and sees three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the meat is for. The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for life. If you miss, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Would you like to try?” The guy responds, “Nah, the steaks are too high.”
- A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You know we have a drink named after you, right?” The grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
- A pirate with a steering wheel stuck to his pants walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Hey, do you know you have a steering wheel stuck to your pants?” The pirate responds, “Argh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Booze inspires some clever wordplay. These alcohol puns will get everyone laughing while they sip on their favorite drinks.
- What do you call a laugh in a bar? A wine chuckle!
- Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives.
- I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe!
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.
- Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
- I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Drunk Bar Patron Jokes
We’ve all seen that person at the bar who may have had a few too many. These jokes about drunk bar customers never fail to make people laugh!
- A drunk man walks into a bar holding two pizzas. He sits down at the bar and opens the boxes. Then he lifts one piece of pizza and asks loudly, “Anyone here order a pizza?” The man sitting next to him shakes his head no. So then the drunk eats the slice of pizza and lifts another slice and asks again, “Anyone here order a pizza?” After not getting a response once again, he eats that slice too. The drunk proceeds to consume the entire first pizza slice by slice, asking before every bite if anyone ordered it. Finally the bartender yells, “Sir, no one ordered a pizza! That’s very rude, you shouldn’t eat other people’s food.” The drunk man looks up, perplexed, and says, “But I ordered these!”
- A very drunk man walks into what he thinks is a bar only to realize it’s actually a play. He sits down and starts heckling the actors, thinking they are the bartender and wait staff. Eventually an usher comes over and whispers, “Sir, you’re very drunk, this is a theater, not a bar. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The drunk man stands up and yells, “Okay, okay, but you guys are terrible! You never bring me my drinks. Worst service ever!”
- A drunk guy stumbles into a bar and orders a shot of rum. The bartender pours him the drink and charges him. The guy hands him a quarter. The bartender laughs and says, “Sorry bud, but this drink costs a lot more than that.” The drunk guy slams another quarter down and says, “There! Now you have 50 cents. Just give me my change.”
- A drunk walks into a bar with a key in his hand. He lifts the key up to the bartender and announces, “I drove my new Ferrari here to celebrate with a drink. I parked it out front.” A second drunk hears this, grabs the key from the first drunk’s hand, and runs out the door. A minute later, he returns and hands back the key. “Sir,” he says, “I just did you a favor. Your Ferrari was too close to the curb. I moved it for you.” The first drunk takes the key and says to the bartender, “What a good guy! Now I can rest easy knowing my car is parked safely.” The bartender rolls his eyes and says nothing.
Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Bars are notorious spots for people to try out their cheesiest pick-up lines. Here are some so corny they just might work!
- Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
- Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
- If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
- Do you have a bandaid? Because I scraped my knees falling for you.
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
- Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for.
- Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
- Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
- Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.
- Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling!
More Bar Jokes for Adults
From jokes about the bartender to quips about last call, these additional bar jokes will keep the laughs flowing freely alongside the drinks. Cheers!
- What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
- A seismologist, a cartographer and a bartender walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”
- How does the bartender know that Macbeth wants another drink? When he says, “Is this a dagger I see before me?”
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
- Did you hear about the bartender who tried to steal liquor from work? He got caught red-handed taking shots.
- Why do bartenders constantly have their hands stuck together? Because of all the bar tabs.
- What’s the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk? A drunk doesn’t have to attend all those meetings.
- Why are pirates called pirates? Because they just arrrrr!
- How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
Funny Bar Jokes for Kids
Here are some cleaner bar jokes that are family-friendly and funny for people of all ages:
- Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
- What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
- What do you call an angry pancake? A flip-flop!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
- What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
- I invented a new word today! Plagiarism!
Frequently Asked Questions About Bar Jokes
Here are answers to some common questions people have about bar jokes:
Where did bar jokes originate?
Bar jokes likely originated in the early 1900s when bars started becoming popular gathering places. Patrons entertained each other with humor during drinks. The classic walks into a bar joke structure became common because bars provided a natural setting.
Why are walks into a bar jokes so popular?
This joke format thrived because it allows the joke teller to be creative and come up with their own hilarious punchline. The simple “a man walks into a bar” opening sets up an expected atmosphere and norm that the punchline can then shatter in an unexpected way.
What makes a good bar joke versus a bad one?
A good bar joke has an original, surprising or clever punchline that catches the audience off guard. Poor bar jokes have puns, stereotypes or crude humor that feel stale and fall flat. Good jokes also have universal appeal that transcends the bar setting.
Are bar jokes offensive?
While bar jokes often involve alcohol, they don’t need to reference drinking to be funny. Like any type of humor, bar jokes can certainly cross into offensive territory depending on the content. Telling jokes that belittle or stereotype people should be avoided. There are plenty of funny bar jokes that don’t rely on being mean.
Can kids tell bar jokes?
Absolutely! While many bar jokes do deal with adult topics and alcohol, there are plenty of kid-friendly bar jokes out there too. Kids will especially enjoy making up their own walks into a bar jokes with silly punchlines. Just filter for family-friendly content if kids will be present.
What are the most popular bar jokes?
Some of the most classic and popular bar jokes include the neutron walks into a bar joke, the piece of meat walks into a bar joke, and the pirate walks into a bar steering wheel joke. Alcohol-inspired puns and cheesy pick-up lines also tend to get big laughs at bars.
I hope this extensive collection of 100 hilarious bar jokes provides you and your friends with hours of laughter and entertainment next time you grab drinks! Let me know in the comments if you have any other favorite bar jokes that should be included. And please drink responsibly! For even more bar humor, be sure to follow my blog. Cheers!