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Celebrate The New Year Day With This 100 New Year’s Jokes!

The new year is almost here and it’s time to celebrate! What better way to ring in 2023 than with some hilarious New Year’s jokes? Laughter and joy are two of the best parts of celebrating New Year’s Eve and Day.

Below you’ll find 100 funny New Year’s jokes that are sure to make you laugh and smile. From one-liners to long jokes, these will liven up any New Year’s party or gathering. Share them with friends and family and bring the laughs as you reflect on the past year and look forward to the new one ahead.

Let’s get to the jokes!

Funny One-Liners

These short one-liner jokes are perfect for ringing in the new year with lots of laughs.

  1. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
  2. My new year’s resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
  3. I tried to come up with a really funny joke about New Year’s but none of them worked out. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to recycle some old ones!
  4. I was going to give up drinking for the new year, but I didn’t want to start 2023 on a bad note.
  5. I wanted to accomplish some big goals for the new year, but after I took my Christmas tree down I just felt empty inside.
  6. My resolution was to lose 10 pounds this year but I’ve already broken it. Does eating leftovers past midnight on New Year’s Eve count?
  7. 2022 tried to kill me but 2023 said “let me handle this one.”
  8. I’m not sure if I’m ready for 2023, I couldn’t even finish 2022!
  9. This year I resolve to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
  10. The new year is approaching like an exam: I’m not ready for it, I’m probably going to mess it up, and I know I’m going to disappoint everyone with my terrible performance.

Cheesy Dad Jokes

What’s New Year’s without some super cheesy dad jokes? Here are some groan-worthy New Year’s jokes.

  1. What happened when the ball dropped in Times Square? It had a smashing new year!
  2. Why should you be nice to your clock on New Year’s Eve? Because it has a bad start to the new year!
  3. What do you call a fake noodle on New Year’s Eve? An im-pasta!
  4. What’s the best thing about New Year’s jokes? They get better with time.
  5. How did the ornament feel about going up on the Christmas tree? It was delighted!
  6. What did the math book say to the other math book on New Year’s Day? Wow, what a year it’s been! Let’s hope we have even more problem-solving adventures in 2023!
  7. Why did 2022 keep drinking until midnight? It wanted one last day of intoxication before the ball dropped.
  8. What’s a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
  9. Why should you be careful when it turns midnight on New Year’s? Because it’s the end of a decade!
  10. Did you hear about the cool way to ring in the new year? Just freeze some grapes and use them as bells!

Longer Jokes

If you want some New Year’s jokes that are more than just a quick one-liner, check out these funny longer jokes about celebrating on New Year’s Eve and Day.

  1. It’s New Year’s Eve and Dan is at a party drinking way more than he should. His friend Ron notices this and tries to convince Dan to stop drinking and take a cab home. But Dan refuses and grabs another drink.

Midnight comes around and Dan goes outside to watch the fireworks. Ron follows him and says “Dan, you’re so drunk you’re staggering all over the place!”

Dan replies “No I’m not, Ron. You’re the one who’s staggering. I’m Dan.”

  1. Jennifer was dreading having to spend New Year’s Eve with her boyfriend Kevin’s family. She worried they wouldn’t have anything to talk about.

But surprisingly, the night went great! Jennifer and Kevin’s family laughed and bonded over funny stories.

After midnight, Jennifer says to Kevin “I had so much fun with your family! But I was worried that we wouldn’t have anything in common.”

Kevin laughs and says “Don’t worry, my family could find common ground with anyone! We even Ring in the New Year with Jehovah’s Witnesses when they stop by on New Year’s Eve!”

  1. Billy hated New Year’s Eve parties. Every year he was dragged to them when all he wanted to do was relax at home.

This year when his friend Jacob invited him to yet another party, Billy declined saying he was sick.

On New Year’s Eve night, Jacob went to the party while Billy happily settled in for a night of watching movies at home.

Around 11 pm, Billy heard a knock at the door and opened it to find a worried Jacob. “I wanted to check in on you since you weren’t feeling well,” Jacob said.

Billy hesitated, not wanting Jacob to know he lied about being sick. But then he got an idea.

“Come in for a bit,” Billy said. “But don’t get too close, I’m cough cough really contagious.”

  1. Samantha was getting ready for a big New Year’s Eve party she was hosting at her home. She had spent all week decorating and preparing with her husband.

As she was adding some final glittery touches, the doorbell rang. When she answered it, her friend Tina was there.

“Happy New Year!” Tina shouted as she held up a bottle of champagne. “I’m here for the party!”

A confused look crossed Samantha’s face. “Tina, the party doesn’t start for 3 hours. It’s only 5pm.”

Tina smiled sheepishly. “Oops, my mistake,” she said. “Guess I should have read the evite instead of just assuming the party started at 5!”

  1. Aidan was applying for a competitive job and his interview was scheduled for New Year’s Eve day. He prepared extensively and took the day off work to do a final rehearsal of his interview answers.

When Aidan walked into the interview room, the hiring manager seemed flustered. “Sorry for the delay,” he said, “But we’re having a bit of a situation that’s preventing us from conducting your interview right now.”

Aidan was annoyed that all his preparation was for nothing. “What’s the problem?” he asked.

The hiring manager responded “Well, we were having an office New Year’s Eve party and Ron from accounting had a little too much champagne. He’s currently passed out inside the main conference room we use for interviews.”

  1. In ancient times, people celebrated the new year according to the lunar calendar. On the eve of the new year, the Royal Astronomer would observe the sky and determine the precise moment when the new moon arrived.
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This moment marked the start of festivities like feasting, dancing, and blessing the land for a prosperous new year. If the Royal Astronomer made an accurate prediction, it was believed the whole kingdom would have good fortune.

But one year, on New Year’s Eve night, the astronomer drank one too many goblets of wine. He became so intoxicated that he miscalculated the arrival of the new moon by several hours.

When midnight came around, the kingdom began celebrating wildly even though the moon was still absent in the sky. The astronomer realized his mistake but was too scared to tell the King and ruin the festivities.

So he continued pretending the new year had come and joined the drunken revelry. To this day, no one in the kingdom knew that they brought in the new year at the wrong time, all thanks to the astronomer who was too embarrassed to admit his drunken mistake.

  1. Three men die on New Year’s Eve and arrive at the pearly gates of heaven to meet Saint Peter.

Saint Peter says, “I’ll ask each of you one question, if you answer truthfully, I’ll let you into heaven.”

He turns to the first man and asks “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

The man answers “Twice.”

Saint Peter says “Okay, that’s not awful, I’ll let you in.”

He asks the second man “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

The man answers “12 times.”

Saint Peter says “Hmmm well that’s not great, but I’ll let you in.”

Finally Saint Peter turns to the third man and asks “How many times did you cheat on your wife?”

The man answers proudly “Only once!”

Saint Peter says “You’re the one I’m sending to hell!”

The man exclaims “What?? But I only cheated once!”

Saint Peter responds “You’re lying. You’re still married so you could not have cheated. Now you go to hell for being dishonest!”

  1. Mark was at a New Year’s Eve party and spotted a gorgeous woman named Jane across the room. He wanted to talk to her before midnight to see if he could get a New Year’s kiss.

Mark shyly approached Jane right before the countdown began. “Hi Jane! With the new year arriving, I was wondering if you’d like to be my first kiss of 2023?” Mark asked.

Jane looked very surprised and a bit weirded out. She replied “Umm I’m pretty sure your wife Stacy would not be okay with us kissing at midnight.”

Mark nodded and said “Oh right, good point.” Then he hurried off red-faced to go find his wife Stacy instead.

  1. Carol was 94 years old but still loved going out to celebrate New Year’s Eve. Each year, her son Jim worried about her being out so late, but Carol assured him she was fine.

On New Year’s Eve, Jim stopped by Carol’s house to check on her before her party. “Are you sure you’re up for being out late tonight?” Jim asked.

Carol waved him off saying “Nonsense! I may be 94 but I can still party and stay up past midnight. Now stop your worrying.”

At the New Year’s Eve bash, Carol danced and chatted with friends. Suddenly at 11:58 pm, she let out a big yawn. “You know, I am pretty tired. Can someone take me home and tuck me in before the ball drops?”

  1. Three vampires decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve together this year.

Vlad brought some blood cocktails, Elizabeth made bloody finger foods, and Dracula pulled out a bottle of champagne.

When midnight came around, they cheered and toasted to ringing in the New Year.

Dracula took a big swig from his champagne glass and then immediately spit it out.

“Bleh! What is this stuff?” he asked looking disgusted.

The other vampires laughed as Elizabeth said “Oops sorry Dracula, I must have accidentally grabbed a non-blood bottle of champagne!”

Funny New Years Resolution Jokes

We all love to make New Year’s resolutions that we probably won’t keep. Here are some humorous jokes about resolutions.

  1. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full. Of wine.
  2. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
  3. My new year’s resolution is to read more… starts reading subtitles on the TV
  4. I’m not sure if I’m ready for 2023, I couldn’t even finish 2022!
  5. This year I resolve to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
  6. I tried to come up with a really funny joke about New Year’s but none of them worked out. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to recycle some old ones!
  7. My resolution was to lose 10 pounds… I’ve already broken it. Does eating leftovers past midnight on New Year’s Eve count?
  8. Why do we make New Year’s Resolutions that we’re probably going to break in January? Because we want to start off each year with a sense of hope that slowly turns into disappointment and self-loathing. Happy New Year!
  9. I was going to give up drinking for the new year, but I didn’t want to start 2023 on a bad note.
  10. My 2023 resolution is to buy myself a big box of chocolates to keep near me at all times in case of emergencies.
  11. I will not butt into other peoples’ business… Oops sorry, I meant to post that as my own resolution and not yours.
  12. This year I resolve to stop procrastinating once I get around to it.
  13. My goal for 2023 is to decrease my carbon footprints by buying bigger shoes.
  14. For 2023 I resolve to avoid all stressful situations, uncomfortable conversations, and any place that requires pants.
  15. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic… so I updated my nightly prayers to ask why bad things happen to mediocre people like me instead of just good people.

Funny New Year’s Eve Party Jokes

Bring on the laughs by sharing these New Year’s Eve party jokes at your next celebration.

  1. I was going to host a New Year’s Eve party this year, but when I sat down to make the guest list I realized I’m still exhausted from last year’s party.
  2. I attended my first ever New Year’s Eve rave. The DJ was terrible but I guess you could say he really dropped the ball at midnight.
  3. My neighbor kept yelling “Happy New Year!” at midnight. Which would have been fine if it wasn’t February.
  4. The annoying thing about New Year’s Eve is trying to find where all my friends are partying and then realizing I don’t have any friends.
  5. This New Year’s Eve I’m just going to rewear my outfit from last year because (a) I’ve only worn it once (b) I don’t care and (c) it still fits…okay mainly C.
  6. I’m so glad I wore elastic waist pants to this New Year’s party because my resolution to lose 10 pounds doesn’t start until tomorrow!
  7. I only go to open bar New Year’s Eve parties so that when someone asks how my 2022 was, I can just hand them my cocktail and say “It’s all in there.”
  8. Here’s a New Year’s resolution I can actually achieve: staying up til midnight on January 1st.
  9. My favorite New Year’s Eve tradition is reapplying deodorant at 11:45 before all the hugs at midnight.
  10. This holiday season, I’m going to give some New Year’s Eve advice to a younger friend: pace yourself on the appetizers until at least 10 pm.
  11. I’m glad I brought a change of clothes to this New Year’s Eve party since I’ll definitely be changing 2022 out of my pants and into 2023.
  12. New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to look at someone and scream “Who are you?!” then a minute later hug and yell “I love you!”
  13. If you forgot someone’s name at a New Year’s Eve party, just loudly yell “Happy New Year, [wrong name]!” at midnight, then they’ll correct you with their real name.
  14. My New Year’s resolutions: 1. Wear pyjamas or elastic pants to every 2023 event. 2. Yell ‘wrong year, try again’ every time someone says 2022.
  15. This New Year’s Eve I’m just going to save time and drink champagne out of the bottle like it’s a cup I found on the ground outside a frat party. Classy.
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Funny Family Jokes

If you’re celebrating New Year’s with family, these relatable family holiday jokes will make everyone laugh.

  1. Our family started a fun new tradition of going around sharing our favorite memory from the previous year before the ball drops. This year I think I’ll go with “Anything from before Thanksgiving.”
  2. I asked my mom if I could help prep for our family’s New Year’s Eve party. She said “Here honey, you can blow up some balloons.” An hour later, she found me almost passed out on the floor surrounded by deflated balloons.
  3. Ringing in New Year’s with my family means watching my Dad fall asleep on the couch by 10 pm while we all yell “WAKE UP DAD IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT!”
  4. This New Year’s Eve, my family is just going to reuse last year’s paper party hats but turn the 2022 on them to 2023 with a Sharpie. Ultra frugal baby!
  5. My kids were thrilled when I said we were staying up past midnight this year. Then they found out it’s only till 12:15 am and said nevermind, they’ll just go to bed at 9 pm.
  6. Rang in the new year with a fun family tradition: Watching my Mom get mad at my Dad for popping the confetti poppers indoors instead of outside.
  7. My sister gets really into dressing up for New Year’s Eve. This year I told her “The ball is going to drop whether you wear sequins or not!”
  8. My family’s good luck New Year’s tradition is my dad re-gifting the same “World’s Best Dad” mug to me every year. Thanks Dad but I’m running out of cupboard space now!
  9. New Year’s resolution: find where my mom hid all the good chocolates out of our family gift baskets and eat them before anyone notices.
  10. Family New Year’s drama – My sister: “Ugh I have nothing to wear tonight!” Mom: “Just borrow something from your sister.” Me: “Hey don’t drag

    me into this, I’m wearing pajamas and a party hat!”

    1. Me at age 6: “Can I stay up until midnight this year for New Year’s??

    Me now at 30: “Mom can you call me to make sure I’m awake before midnight?”

    1. My little cousins always stay up with us on New Year’s Eve. By 11 pm, they’re running through the house hyped up on sparkling cider while we’re half asleep on the couch.
    2. Rang in New Year’s by yelling at my Dad for popping the confetti popper indoors. Rang OUT the year by yelling at him again for doing it at midnight. I swear the man just likes to watch the world burn.
    3. My mom takes the New Year’s family photo every year. She just photoshops the year and adds more wrinkles to make us all look even older.
    4. New Year’s with my cousins always ends with a massive nerf gun fight. Pretty sure Grandma is plotting her revenge after getting hit in the eye last year.

    More New Year’s Eve Jokes

    Need more laughs for December 31st? Try out these extra New Year’s Eve jokes.

    1. I’m going to crush this New Year’s Eve workout I planned, as long as by “crush” I mean “take one look at my sports bra and collapse on the couch.”
    2. Me normally: “New Year’s Eve is overrated.” Me on Dec 31 at 11:59 pm: “I WILL see 2023! Sleep can wait!!”
    3. New Year’s Eve hot take: Mariah Carey’s song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” should be allowed to play once it turns January 1st. Just this one exception.
    4. My favorite New Year’s Eve activity is reapplying deodorant at 11:45 pm before all the sweaty hugs at midnight.
    5. On December 1st Me: “Ugh I’m so sick of Christmas decorations already.” On January 2nd Me: “Wow I miss the sparkly lights, when can we start decorating for next year?”
    6. Conversation on Dec. 26th: “Whew I’m so glad the holidays are over!”

    Conversation on Dec 31st: “I can’t wait to celebrate the end of the year! Pass the glitter and champagne!”

    1. My New Year’s Eve night: 8 pm – “This will be a nice chill night in.” 11:30 pm – “I must go out immediately and live life to the fullest!”
    2. The best part of New Year’s is asking “How’s it going?” and people answering “Six more hours to go!” instead of just “good” and ending the conversation.
    3. “Does this sparkly outfit look cute for New Year’s eve?” My wallet: “Absolutely not, I forbid any new purchases.”
    4. Me any other weekend: In bed by 10 pm. Me on New Year’s Eve: Running around at 1 am yelling “Wait 2022 I have so much more partying to do!”
    5. My New Year’s Eve is less “popping bottles” and more “cleaning up crushed Cheerios my kids spilled.”
    6. Cheering at midnight on New Year’s – Socially acceptable. Cheering randomly on a Wednesday afternoon – grounds for intervention.
    7. My favorite thing about New Year’s is that millions of people think it’s lucky I kissed them at midnight.
    8. Can’t wait to drunkenly stumble up to strangers at midnight and scream HAPPY NEW YEAR like I’ve never been happier to see them.
    9. New Year’s Goals: 1. Drop ball at midnight 2. Safely get ball home in Über 3. Find where I left my shoes 4. Text friends to see whose couch I’m crashed on.
    10. Me normally: In bed by 10:30 Me on NYE: “I will see the sun rise on Jan 1st if it kills me!”
    11. How I feel on NYE: “2022 we had some fun times but it’s time we see other years”.
    12. Husband: “Wow, honey you look beautiful in that NYE outfit!” Me: wearing a tiara and sweatpants “Why thank you, darling.”
    13. My NY resolution is to stop lying to myself that I like going out on amateur night.
    14. NYE is the best holiday because you get to scream HAPPY NEW YEAR at people you’ve never met before.
    15. My goal every NYE is to stay up late enough to be the first person to wish myself a happy new year.
    16. Me normally: sleep by 10:30 Me on NYE: “I’ll sleep when 2023 arrives!”
    17. 2022: “Wait don’t leave me, we have so much more to accomplish!” Me: “Bye don’t let the door hit you!”
    18. Husband at 7 pm on NYE: This will be an early night Husband at midnight: Let’s keep partying, 2023 here we come!
    19. Wishing you all an amazing New Year filled with joy, laughter and many great new memories. Happy New Year 2023!

    Frequently Asked Questions about New Year’s

    Ring in 2023 right by getting your top New Year’s questions answered!

    Where did New Year’s celebrations originate?

    The earliest recorded festivities for the New Year date back over 4,000 years to ancient Babylon. Babylonians celebrated the first New Moon after the spring equinox as the start of the new year. Celebrations lasted for 11 days and included ritual sacrifices to deities. Over time, the New Year tradition spread to other ancient cultures around the world. Our modern day celebrations took shape by adopting customs from these various cultures.

    When did January 1 become the start of the new year?

    For centuries, different dates and months were used to mark the New Year. But in 46 B.C., Roman leader Julius Caesar standardized January 1 as the official changeover to the new year across the Roman Empire. The month of January was named after Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and transitions. January 1 aligns with the end of Christmas season and the winter solstice, signifying the start of longer days.

    What’s the meaning behind “Auld Lang Syne”?

    This famous New Year’s anthem was written by Scottish poet Robert Burns in 1788. The title roughly translates to “for old times.” The nostalgic lyrics about remembering friends and experiences from the past inspired the tradition of singing the song at New Year’s parties and events.

    What’s the purpose of making New Year’s resolutions?

    The Babylonians are the first on record to make resolutions as a way to seek favor from the gods and start the year off on the right foot. In modern times, we view resolutions as a way to motivate self-improvement and change habits. The new year represents a fresh start and renewed optimism. However, most resolutions are abandoned quickly, so setting realistic goals is key!

    What are the origins of the Times Square New Year’s Eve ball drop?

    This iconic tradition started in 1904 for a New Year’s Eve celebration in Manhattan organized by the New York Times. A 700-pound iron and wood ball decorated with 100 light bulbs was lowered down a flagpole at midnight to signal the start of the new year. The event was such a success that it became an annual tradition. Its popularity soared nationwide with radio and then TV broadcasts.

    Why do we wear silly hats and blow horns on New Year’s Eve?

    Noisemakers date back thousands of years as part of ancient New Year’s superstitions. Evil spirits were thought to be expelled by making loud noises to ring in the new year. Party hats and headgear also symbolize setting aside normal cares and celebrating. These noisy accessories have become associated with the raucous parties we now celebrate on New Year’s Eve.

    What are some traditional New Year’s Eve foods?

    Cultures worldwide have food customs tied to good luck in the new year. Legumes like beans and lentils represent prosperity in places like Brazil and Italy. Ring-shaped cakes and pastries symbolize the year coming full circle in Greece, Germany and the Netherlands. Grapes – one for each month – are eaten in Spain, while pickled herring in Poland provides luck.

    Do any quirky New Year’s Eve traditions exist?

    Plenty! In Denmark, used plates and glasses are thrown against friend’s doors to banish bad spirits. Ecuadorian families make scarecrows filled with objects from the previous year and burn them at midnight. In the Philippines, people wear polka dots because the circles represent prosperity.

    What are some family-friendly activities for New Year’s Eve?

    If you’re celebrating with kids, get them involved! Have them create party hats, decorations and noise makers earlier in the day. Plan an early dinner or appetizers. Play board games and do a countdown at 9 or 10 pm. Watch fireworks shows on TV. Share their favorite memories of the past year.

    What are the most popular New Year’s resolutions?

    The top resolutions tend to be losing weight, exercising more, quitting smoking, saving money and reducing stress. But remember to set realistic, specific goals for the best chance of success. Share your resolutions with supportive friends and track your progress.

    I hope these New Year’s jokes bring you lots of laughs as you ring in 2023 and get answers to your holiday questions! Feel free to share some of these funny quips at your New Year’s Eve parties and events.

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