Are you looking for some hilarious aristocrat jokes that will have you laughing out loud? Well, you’ve come to the right place!
In this blog post, we’ve compiled 50 of the absolute best aristocrat jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re a fan of dry, sarcastic humor or like jokes that poke fun at the upper class, this collection has something for everyone.
From quips about monocles and polo to wealthy snobs and butlers, these jokes cover all the classic aristocratic stereotypes. And of course, no aristocrat joke list would be complete without a few jabs at the British nobility!
So put on your top hat and tails, grab a cup of tea, and get ready to chortle, giggle, and guffaw at this carefully curated list of 50 of the most hilarious aristocrat jokes ever told!
Here are 50 of the best aristocrat jokes of all time:
- I took an aristocrat to the supermarket for the first time. He asked what all the numbers on the aisle signs meant. I told him they indicate prices. He said, “Well, I don’t care what the prices are, get me one of each.”
- What do you call an aristocrat in a kiddie pool? Your Highness.
- Why did the aristocrat wear suspenders? To keep his pants from falling down to his ankles.
- How do you make an aristocrat laugh on Monday morning? Tell him a joke on Friday night.
- My aristocrat friend owns 200 horses—100 for racing and 100 just for playing polo. Sometimes I think he’s hoarding stallions.
- Did you hear about the unemployed aristocrat? He didn’t have any skills, he’d never worked a day in his life – he really had no job prospects. Eventually, he had to swallow his pride and get a job at Debenhams. His friends were shocked when they heard he was serving Earl Grey at the cafe counter.
- What do you call an aristocrat who just farted? Noble gas.
- Why can’t aristocrats play chess? Because the king already moves one space at a time.
- I recently attended a party at an aristocrat’s country estate. As soon as I walked in, I knew high scones were afoot.
- An aristocrat walks into a bar with a duck on a leash. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring that pig in here!” The aristocrat replies, “It’s clearly a duck, you peasant.”
- What do aristocrats use to cut their pizza? Monocles.
- Why did the aristocrat accidentally drop his ice cream cone? He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
- Why did the aristocrat get fired from the banana factory? He threw out all the bent ones.
- How many aristocrats does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
- What do you call an aristocrat standing outside your door? Sir-prise!
- Why did the aristocrat’s dog keep chasing its tail? It had a sixpence stuck up its bum.
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and a sewage worker? The sewage has been to work.
- How do aristocrats practice safe sex? They spray their privates with champagne instead of Chanel.
- Why did the aristocrat cross the road? To trample the peasants on the other side.
- Did you hear about the devout aristocrat who read the Bible religiously? By the time she finished Genesis, she was convinced Eve was created from Adam’s polo mallet.
- Why don’t aristocrats do laundry? Because one does not wash linens, one has linens washed.
- What do you call an aristocrat with the sniffles? A snotty toff.
- Why are aristocrats terrible gift-givers? They were born with silver spoons in their mouths.
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and a broken down car? You can fix the car.
- Did you hear about the time the aristocrat’s mansion burned down? Now he’s just a little ash, count ’em – one… two…
- Why are aristocrats always seen sipping tea with their pinkies up? It helps them look down their noses at you.
- What do aristocrats get when you cross a pig with a steel workers’ union? Ham and picketers!
- How do aristocrats braid their hair? With a silver plait-er!
- Did you hear about the time the aristocrat’s servant polished his monocle? It was eye shining armor!
- Why are aristocrats so hard to shop for during Christmas? They already have everything!
- How does an aristocrat know their teenage son is masturbating? The butler’s elbows are all chafed.
- Why do aristocrats hate going bowling? It’s peasant to roll peasants down a lane into peasants.
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and your job? Your job still exists.
- Did you hear about the aristocrat who went to the hair salon and asked for a Brazilian? It took ten gardeners to hold her down.
- Why was the aristocrat upset when she farted? She was used to having a butler let them for her.
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and a dentist? A dentist will stop drilling you when you’re dead.
- Why did the aristocrat sell his piano? He had to raise money to pay the interest on his hole-in-one betting debts from the golf club.
- Did you hear about the time the aristocrat spilled spot remover on his dog? It disappeared.
- What’s the best way to get an aristocrat to marry you? Marry another aristocrat, then ditch them at the altar.
- Why do aristocrats get lost so easily in corn fields? All the family trees look the same to them.
- How are an English aristocrat and a computer keyboard alike? They’re both essentially useless after spilling tea on themselves.
- Why did the aristocrat throw her old refrigerator out the window? She wanted to see a commoner smash on the ground below.
- Did you know aristocrats never throw out old undergarments? They generously donate them to the poor so they can have knickers too.
- What happens when two aristocrats get into an argument? Monocle pops out “Well I never!” Monocle pops out “Good day sir!”
- Why did the aristocrat get kicked out of improv class? He kept shouting “The peasants are revolting!” instead of making a witty suggestion.
- How many aristocrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb? “Fix the lighting, Jeeves.”
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and yogurt? Yogurt has an active, living culture.
- Why did the aristocrat wear suspenders? A belt would wrinkle his cummerbund.
- How do aristocrats practice safe sex? They mark the family spot on the family tree.
- What’s the difference between an aristocrat and a cell phone? You don’t have to constantly recharge an aristocrat.
FAQs about Aristocrat Jokes
Q: Are aristocrat jokes offensive?
A: Aristocrat jokes poke fun at class stereotypes and exaggerated notions of the upper class. As with any jokes aimed at a group, they have the potential to offend. However, the intent is humorous rather than malicious. Most people find them harmless and all in good fun.
Q: Where did aristocrat jokes originate?
A: Aristocrat jokes likely emerged in Britain, where the class system was traditionally very rigid. British humor frequently targets aristocratic affectations as absurd and worthy of mockery. The jokes probably spread through vaudeville and music hall performances in the 1800s.
Q: Why are aristocrats considered funny subjects for jokes?
A: Aristocrats represent the pinnacle of the class system, which has long been a source of social tension. Through ridicule, jokes provide a pressure valve for grievances against economic and social inequities. Aristocrats also exhibit idiosyncrasies like formal speech, stoicism, and pastimes like fox hunting that seem bizarre and pompous to average people.
Q: What are some common themes in aristocrat jokes?
A: Classic themes include pretentious manners, detachment from physical labor, excess wealth, stiff upper lips, and cluelessness about ordinary life. Their servants also play a big role, completing tasks the aristocrats consider beneath them. Jokes may also poke fun at inbreeding or playing polo and other sports associated with the idle rich.
Q: Are aristocrat jokes popular outside Britain?
A: Yes, the stock character of the hapless, clueless aristocrat has translated well to other cultures. Aristocrat jokes are commonly told in other European countries, as well as former British colonies like the U.S., Canada, Australia, and India where sharp class divides still persist. The jokes cross class boundaries and give people a laugh at the expense of perceived social betters.
I hope you enjoyed this collection of 50 hilarious aristocrat jokes! Let me know if you have any other questions.