In this post, we’ve compiled 100 of the best football jokes that are sure to get a laugh. From one-liners about referees to hilarious puns about quarterbacks, these jokes cover every aspect of the sport. Football fans of all allegiances will find something to amuse them here. So get ready to laugh out loud and share these epic football jokes with all your fellow fans!
Funny One-Liners and Short Football Jokes
Let’s kick off this list with some quick and clever one-liner football jokes:
- Why does Peyton Manning make such a great receiver? Because he’s always wide open!
- I took my broken arm to see the football coach. He told me to go see a doctor instead.
- What do you call a Pittsburgh Steelers fan with a sheep under his arm? A pimp.
- Why do the Seattle Seahawks eat cereal straight out of the box? They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
- Why did Tom Brady put ketchup on his tie? Because he ran out of fingers!
- What do you call a football player with a broken leg and a championship ring? A champion on crutches.
- What did the football coach say to his quarterback who kept throwing pick 6’s? Stop giving the other team points!
- Why does BYU have a great football team? Because they have a Cougar as a mascot!
- Why did Tennessee fire its head coach? Because he didn’t have a winning Vanderbilt!
- What did the San Francisco 49ers fan say to the Los Angeles Rams fan? Wait ’til next year!
Hilarious Puns About Football Players and Coaches
Let’s continue with some punny jokes featuring wordplay about popular football stars and personalities:
- What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
- Why does Eli Manning soak his receivers’ hands in glue before every game? He likes to have stick-um on his side.
- Why was the football coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarterback!
- Why does Antonio Brown use Gorilla Glue on his gloves? He heard it was good for catching footballs.
- What do you call a Green Bay Packers player who converts to Buddhism? Ahmari Rodger.
- Why does Dak Prescott smear vaseline all over his uniform before a game? He wants to make it hard for defenders to get a grip on him!
- What do you call a Dallas Cowboys player who stars in action movies? Dez Bruce Willis.
- Why does Jameis Winston take dates to the supermarket? He loves to pick six!
- Why does Ben Roethlisberger love astronomy so much? Because he’s great at gazin’ at Uranus!
- Why was Pat Mahomes babbling incoherently after the game? He had a concussion from too many helmet to helmet huts!
Funny Football Fan Jokes
What would football be without its die-hard, devoted fans? Here are some jokes about the joys and pains of rooting for your team:
- An Eagles fan, Cowboys fan and Redskins fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Eagles fan insists he is the most loyal. ‘This is for the Eagles!’ he yells, and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Cowboys fan is next to profess his loyalty. ‘This is for the Cowboys!’ he cries, and pushes the Redskins fan off the mountain.
- How do you stop an Oakland Raiders fan from beating his wife? Dress her up in a Broncos jersey.
- What does a Denver Broncos fan do when his team wins the Super Bowl? Turns off his Xbox.
- How many Cleveland Browns fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just sit around and talk about how great the old one was.
- What’s the difference between a Chargers game and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
- Did you hear about the Jets fan who was also a pedophile? He told the judge, “What can I say? I’m a huge Jets fan, I’m used to disappointment.”
- Did you hear about the new higher education facility opening up in Green Bay? It’s called the University of Wisconsin and Packers.
- What do the Packers and possums have in common? They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Hilarious Football Stadium and Tailgating Humor
Football isn’t just about what happens on the field – the parking lot tailgating and stadium atmosphere are a huge part of the fun. Get ready to laugh at these jokes about football’s pre-game festivities:
- Why do Eagles fans hate tailgating? The wheels on their trailers go flat too easily!
- How do you know if a Bills fan has been using the same parking space for 20 years? The car is up on blocks with grass growing through it.
- Did you hear about the Falcons fan who brought a ladder to the game? He heard the drinks were on the house.
- Why do Cowboys fans smell so bad at games? So blind people can hate them too.
- What’s the difference between a 49ers game and a NASCAR race? The race doesn’t have 30 wrecks in the first 15 laps.
- Why do Redskins fans call shotgun when tailgating? So someone else has to drive them home after the game.
- How do you get a University of Texas grad off your porch? Pay him for the pizza!
- Why do Packers fans drink beer at the games? So they don’t freeze their cheeseheads off.
- What do you call a drug ring at a Steelers game? A huddle.
- Why do Bills fans wear helmets at the game? Protection from the flying beer cans when they lose.
Hilariously Corny Football Jokes
Let’s lighten things up even more with some delightfully corny jokes:
- Why was the football coach yelling into a pile of hay? He was trying to needle his haystack!
- When the football team crossed the desert, they brought lots of H2O. The backfield was under a lot of pressure to carry it all!
- Did you hear about the new Netflix series starring an NFL quarterback? It’s called Stranger Passes!
- Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback!
- Why are football centers small and skinny? It’s easy to snap them in two!
- What do you call a running back who can’t see? An I-can’t-see-back!
- Why should you never iron a football jersey? You don’t want to press your luck!
- Where do football players go to dance? The meatball!
- Why do quarterbacks make bad mechanics? They’re always stripping screws!
- Did you hear about the cowboys who gave their horses Viagra? They entered them in a rodeo hoping to see some stiff competition!
Savagely Funny Football Roast Jokes
Football fans love to ruthlessly mock their most hated rivals. Here are some brutally savage jokes roasting the least liked teams and players:
- What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
- What do the Detroit Lions and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays.
- Cleveland Browns offensive strategy: Give the ball to the other team on downs 1, 2, 3, and 4.
- How do the Baltimore Ravens spend the first week of training camp? Studying the playbook. How do they spend the next three weeks? Re-learning the playbook.
- Why did Johnny Manziel stop drinking? The Browns suck even when he’s sober.
- What do you call a Pittsburgh Steelers fan with half a brain? Gifted.
- How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire? One, unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up
- Why do Cowboys like Tony Romo? Because he chokes like they do!
- What’s the difference between the Chargers and a dollar? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar!
- Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Juvenile But Hilarious Football Jokes
Alright, time to go low-brow with some childish football jokes:
- Why was the football field wet? The players kept dropping their balls in the end zone!
- How do football players stay cool during games? They sit by their fans!
- Did you hear about the football player with athlete’s foot? He got it from using the same locker!
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back!
- Why do football players have smelly feet? Because they wear smelly socks!
- What type of shoes do lazy football players wear? Loafers!
- Why do football players eat so much? Because they play hardball!
- Why did the quarterback take the snap? Because the ball was in his hands!
- Why did the coach throw the clock out? Because it kept going offsides!
- Why did the linebacker go to the bathroom? He was rushing for a sack!
Groan-Worthy Football Dad Jokes
What football joke list would be complete without some super cheesy dad jokes? Don’t worry, we won’t punt when it comes to terrible football puns!
- Why did the football coach go to the eye doctor? To get his kicker checked!
- What has 18 legs and catches footballs? A receiver with nine hands!
- Which NFL team is best at addition? The Philadelphia Eagles – they always add a few more points to the scoreboard!
- Why did the quarterback ask his mom how to throw the ball? He wanted some passing advice!
- Why did the coach throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
- Which NFL team loves to read? The Buffalo Bills!
- What did one football player say to his receiver? I got you covered!
- Why did the offensive line go to the bank? To protect the quarter back!
- Why do NFL players make great dancers? They know how to tackle!
- Why was the NFC South team’s defense struggling? They didn’t have a safety in a while!
Funny Pick Up Lines for Football Fans
Impress fellow football lovers with these cheesy but amusing football-themed pick up lines:
- Are you a quarterback? Because I want you to tackle me hard.
- They say football is a game of inches, wanna come back to my place to find out?
- If I were a ref, I’d throw a flag on you for excessive beauty!
- Do you like football? Let’s go back to my place and play offense and defense.
- You must be a tight end, because I want you on my fantasy team.
- Girl, you overpower my offensive line of scrimmage.
- They say the best offense is a good defense…so I’m gonna need your number to complete my draft strategy.
- You must be a placekicker, because you keep kicking me through the goalposts of love.
- If you were a booger I’d pick you first.
- Want to go back to my place and watch the replay?
Hope you enjoyed laughing along with these 100 hilarious football jokes! Whether you’re a passionate fan or just enjoy some sports humor, these jokes are sure to put a smile on your face. So share them proudly with your fellow football lovers! Let us know which jokes were your favorites.
Frequently Asked Questions About Football Jokes
Football fans love joking around about their favorite sport. But if you’re new to football humor or want to brush up on your skills, these FAQs can help!
What are some of the most popular subjects for football jokes?
Some of the most common targets for football jokes include:
- Rivalries between teams and their fans (especially divisional and conference rivals)
- Losing teams struggling through a difficult season
- Fumbling and interceptions
- Controversial calls made by referees
- Great catches, long runs, pick-sixes, and other hype-worthy on-field plays
- Showboating players who draw lots of attention
- Overpaid players with huge contracts who underperform
- Passionate superfans who act ridiculous
What makes a football joke really funny?
The best football jokes take an element of truth from the sport and exaggerate or twist it in a clever way. Surprise, hyperbole, irony, sarcasm, and wordplay are all great comedic devices for football humor. Funny football jokes also tap into the passions and pain points of fans.
What are some tips for telling football jokes?
When telling football jokes:
- Use intonation, pauses, accents, enthusiasm, and slow delivery to heighten the humor
- Act out jokes involving imaginary plays, penalties, player hijinks, and more
- Tailor jokes to your audience by poking fun at their favorite rivals
- Laugh along – don’t just deadpan the whole time
- Explain references if the joke requires football knowledge an audience may lack
- Don’t beat jokes to death – keep it fresh and know when to move on
Should football jokes be good natured or mean spirited?
The best football jokes don’t get nasty – they keep the comedy light even when making fun of a rival. After all, it’s just a game! The very worst teams and fanbases will provide plenty of fodder on their own without piling on too much.
What are some jokes to avoid when trying to be funny about football?
Stay away from these topics when trying to craft funny football jokes:
- Player injuries or health issues
- Jokes stereotyping or mocking female fans
- Outdated stereotypes about teams, cities, or cultures
- Off-field troubles involving crimes, drugs, or violence
- Anything related to race, religion, sexual orientation, or other protected classes
The point is to keep it about the game and make sure the humor is inclusive!
I hope these FAQs have given you some useful tips on telling the perfect football jokes. Now get out there and make all your fellow fans laugh!