Are you a Harry Potter fan looking for some laughs? Then you’ve come to the right place! This blog post contains 100 of the best Harry Potter jokes that are sure to make any Potterhead chuckle.
From jokes about Harry, Ron and Hermione to ones about Hogwarts professors and magical creatures, this list has something for every Harry Potter fan. Keep reading for a magical and exciting dose of Harry Potter humor!
Why You Should Share Harry Potter Jokes
Before we dive into the jokes, let’s discuss why Harry Potter jokes are so fun to share. Here are some key reasons:
- They help connect you with fellow fans. Harry Potter has a massive global fanbase. Telling HP jokes is a great way to bond over your shared love of the series.
- They’re family-friendly. Most Harry Potter jokes are clean humor that can be enjoyed by kids and adults alike. Telling them is a way to make family gatherings more fun.
- They inspire creativity. The Harry Potter world is rich with possibilities for humor. Coming up with your own jokes encourages creative thinking.
- They spread joy. Laughter has incredible power to lift spirits. Sharing jokes brings more happiness into the world.
So crack a smile and get ready to enjoy these Harry Potter wisecracks! Let the hilarity ensue.
Top 100 Funny Harry Potter Jokes
- Why didn’t Harry Potter ever win hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
- What do you call a scary Potterhead? A Horcrux!
- Why does Voldemort keep doing laundry? Because he has horcruxes to wash!
- How do Death Eaters get ready for a party? They prep Harry!
- What’s Lord Voldemort’s middle name? Marvolo, because he’s always trying to mar Harry’s life!
- Why does Voldemort wear robes? So no one sees his Dark Mark undies!
- Why does Harry Potter like riding in elevators? Because it makes his scar feel ecosystems.
- What do Slytherins sing on karaoke night? Hiss Hiss Baby!
- Why couldn’t Harry see the hippogriff? It was in an Invisibility Cloak.
- Why does Ron Weasley sleep with his wand under his pillow? In case he has nightmares so he can Lumos them away!
- How does a wizard pay for things? With spell-checks!
- What do you call security guards at Hogwarts? De-mentors!
- What do you get when you cross a centaur with a unicorn? A centicorn!
- What’s a Legilimens favorite drink? Veritaserum and tonic!
- Why couldn’t Harry eat dinner at the Leaky Cauldron? No reservations!
- How do house elves travel long distances? By apparating!
- What did the charm say to the ghost? I find you very a-boo-sing!
- What kind of tears do basilisks cry? Reptile tears!
- What do you call a crying Boggart? A sobgoblin!
- Why was Nearly Headless Nick excluded from the Headless Hunt? He didn’t make the cut!
- Why couldn’t Harry use Umbridge’s quill to do homework? It was Um-bridgeable!
- What’s Severus Snape’s favorite carol? Do You Hear What I Slytherin?
- Why was Auror training canceled? There were not enough classes to make a full Defense Against the Dark Arts degree!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite song? Bad Spell by Camila Cabello!
- Why does Voldemort use Twitter? He likes to rant with evil intent!
- Why did Draco Malfoy cross the road? To get to the Dark Side!
- What do you call a Gryffindor who left their common room portrait open? Griffin-snore!
- Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has horcruxes, not friends!
- Why does Voldemort drink herbal tea? It soothes his Hor-crux!
- What’s Severus Snape’s zodiac sign? A Slytherin!
- What’s Lord Voldemort’s favorite NFL team? The Dark Knights!
- Why does Voldemort hateompetitive swimming? All the breast strokes might remind him of a certain locket!
- Did you hear about the wizard who went fishing? He tried to use Accio fish but all he caught was a cold!
- Why did Barty Crouch Jr. win the costume contest? His Mad Eye Moody disguise fooled everyone!
- What’s a Death Eater’s favorite basketball move? The Dark Mark!
- Why was Moaning Myrtle so upset? She was in tiers all the time!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite TV show? Keeping Up With The Malfoys!
- What do you call a Hippogriff that got caught stealing? A Gryffin-thief!
- What kind of broom does Narcissa Malfoy ride? A pure-blood!
- Why does Voldemort visit graveyards so often? He’s just dying to meet all his dead relatives!
- How did Scabbers help Ron with his homework? He was an animagus at spelling!
- Why does Voldemort go to Atlantis every summer? Because he needs some R&R (Robes and Relics)!
- Why was Lucius Malfoy sorting laundry? To separate the darks and lights!
- What do you call a sleepy hippogriff? A nappifant!
- Why does Snape look so greasy? Too much time with Slytherins!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite Taylor Swift song? Look What You Made Me Do (to all those muggles!)
- Why does Voldemort take cold showers? Because he feels no remorse!
- Why does Bellatrix Lestrange have a Portkey for dinner? So she can desert quickly if needed!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite paint color? Avada Kedavra green!
- Why does Voldemort get along with crabs and lobsters? They’re all crustaceans!
- What’s the only thing that makes Voldemort cry? When he runs out of people to Crucio!
- How does Voldemort like his eggs? On the Dark side!
- What do you call Death Eaters who escaped from Azkaban? De-mentors!
- Why does Voldemort visit the tropics? He heard there was a Horcruxation paradise!
- Why does Voldemort wear Yeezys? For some Casual Dark Magic!
- What kind of art does Voldemort like? Dark Magic!
- Why was Voldemort disqualified from the 3 legged race? He was a Horcrux short!
- Why does Voldemort take Ballet classes? To perfect his Dark Pliés!
- What’s Lord Voldemort’s workout playlist called? Killing the Muggle Game!
- Why does Voldemort love libraries? Because they have so many dark materials!
- How did Voldemort try to kill Harry when he was a baby? With the Macarena Killing Curse (Ma Avada Kedavra)!
- What is Voldemort’s favorite beauty trend? Contouring with Snake Scales!
- Why does Voldemort shop at Hot Topic? He loves their dark mark tees!
- What’s Voldemort’s Hogwarts house? Slyther-out!
- Why did Voldemort get kicked out of Zumba class? For using too much dark magic in his moves!
- How does a dementor introduce itself? Expecto My Tronum!
- What did the Death Eater say before casting Avada Kedavra? I want this killing curse to be flawless!
- Why does Voldemort avoid stepping on sidewalk cracks? He doesn’t want to break his mother’s back! Oh wait…
- What do you call Lord Voldemort after a shower? Lord Moldyshorts!
- What happens when two Dementors kiss? They get frost bite!
- How do Death Eaters keep their lips hydrated? With Dark Mark Lip Balm!
- Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses? His vision is 2020!
- Why does Voldemort love the winter? Because of Decembrrr!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite workout? Cruci-YOGA!
- Why does Voldemort take the stairs? To avoid any Muggle Elevators!
- What’s a Death Eater’s favorite candy? Dementor’s Kiss!
- Why does Voldemort wear baby powder? To avoid chafing under those robes!
- What did Voldemort say when asked about his favorite book genre? Horcrux of Horror!
- Why was Voldemort crying in Diagon Alley? He was feeling remorrrrrrseful!
- What does a depressed dementor need? A sucky-atry charm!
- Why does Voldemort avoid hair salons? He doesn’t want bangs!
- Why did Voldemort join a gym? For the Crucio classes!
- What’s a death eater’s favorite exercise move? The LevioSUH!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite fruit? AVAvacados!
- Why does Voldemort take cold showers? Because he has no remorse!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite TV show? Keeping Up With The Malfoys!
- What does Voldemort sing while washing his hands? Happy Birthday to me, I can’t blow out my candlesss!
- Why was Voldemort crying in Ollivander’s? He was so overwhelmingly remorrrrseful!
- What’s Voldemort’s biggest fear? Dumbledore!
- Why does Voldemort love libraries so much? They have GREAT dark materials!
- How does Voldemort stay in shape? Avada Cardio!
- What did Voldemort say when he stubbed his toe? Avada That Hurtttt!
- Why does Voldemort take supplements? For Hor-immunity!
- How does a Death Eater let off steam? By Crucio-ing muggles!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite Quidditch team? The Dark Mark Flyers!
- Why did Voldemort cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- What do you call Voldemort’s pet dog? Snuffaluffagus!
- Why does Voldemort love swimming? It makes him feel remorrrrrseful!
- What’s Voldemort’s favorite brand? Gucci Deathly Hallows!
- Why did Voldemort take up sewing? To make robes for all his followers!
Frequently Asked Questions About Harry Potter Jokes
Many people have questions about Harry Potter jokes and humor. Here are answers to some common FAQs:
Q: Are Harry Potter jokes appropriate for kids?
A: Most Harry Potter jokes are family-friendly and can be enjoyed by kids and adults. However, parents may want to review jokes first to ensure the humor is age-appropriate.
Q: Where can I find more Harry Potter jokes online?
A: Great places to find Harry Potter jokes include HP fan sites like MuggleNet, social media posts with the hashtag #HarryPotterJokes, and meme sites like Imgur and Reddit.
Q: What are some tips for coming up with my own Harry Potter jokes?
A: Use puns on character names, play with popular spells from the books like “Accio” and “Lumos”, think of what makes various characters unique, and have fun surprising readers with unexpected combinations!
Q: Are there any topics I should avoid when making Harry Potter jokes?
A: Yes, avoid making jokes related to sensitive topics like death, violence, and discrimination. Keep humor light-hearted and inclusive.
Q: What are the most popular Harry Potter characters and elements to joke about?
A: Fans love jokes about Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, Dumbledore, Voldemort, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, house elves, spells, Quidditch, and more!
Q: Should I worry about copyright if I share HP jokes?
A: As long as you’re not reproducing large copyrighted excerpts from the books, sharing fan-created jokes just for fun does not violate copyright.
I hope these Harry Potter jokes brought some magical laughs to your day! Let the humor continue by coming up with your own jokes to share with fellow fans. Just remember to keep it light-hearted and family-friendly. Now go spread some happiness with these hilarious wisecracks!