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Read This 100 Chinese Jokes That Will Keep You Laughing Hard!

In this blog post, we have collected 100 hilarious Chinese jokes that will keep you laughing hard! China is a vast country with a rich culture and long history. The Chinese people have a great sense of humor and love to laugh. Their jokes and comedy reflect the culture, customs, and everyday life in China.

Why Are Chinese Jokes So Funny?

There are a few key things that make Chinese jokes humorous and unique:

  • Play on Words: The Chinese language allows for funny puns, homonyms, and clever wordplay. Puns are especially common in Chinese jokes.
  • Stereotypes: Chinese jokes often play on common stereotypes about Chinese people, culture, and habits. These exaggerated stereotypes create humorous situations.
  • Self-Deprecating Humor: Chinese people are not afraid to make fun of themselves. Many jokes mock the eccentricities of Chinese culture and social norms.
  • Historical References: Jokes frequently allude to Chinese history, famous legends, and popular stories. Knowing the cultural context makes the jokes even funnier.
  • Surprise Endings: Unexpected and ironic twists are very common in Chinese joke structures. These surprise endings catch the listener off guard for hilarious effect.

Now that you understand the hallmarks of Chinese humor, let’s dive into our list of 100 laugh-out-loud Chinese jokes!

Hilarious Jokes and Puns

Here is our collection of short, funny Chinese jokes and one-liners. The punchlines play cleverly on words, stereotypes, and pop culture:

  1. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in-tents!
  2. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
  3. Why do Chinese people love NBA basketball? Because it has a lot of Kobe Beef!
  4. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
  5. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
  6. How do you make a cat drink? Put it in a liquid-fier!
  7. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy!
  8. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
  9. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
  10. Why did the melons have a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!

Jokes About Chinese Culture and Habits

These jokes poke fun at Chinese stereotypes and cultural habits in a lighthearted way. The exaggerated absurdity of the situations make them even funnier.

  1. What do you call a Chinese man with a shovel? Dung Tzu.
  2. Why do Chinese people love playing Mahjong? Because one hand is good, two hands are better, three hands are the best!
  3. How do you spot a Chinese tourist? They’re wearing a face mask long before COVID emerged.
  4. What Chinese dish makes people cry the most? Cut the Onions!
  5. Why do Chinese babies like wearing split pants? It’s easy access for potty training.
  6. How do Chinese people name their children? They throw spoons down the stairs to get the sound!
  7. What do you call someone who is half Chinese and half Italian? Chitalian!
  8. How does a Chinese cook make rice taste Spanish? They use saffron.
  9. Why did the Chinese man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
  10. How do you know if a Chinese person doesn’t like you? They give you a little dumpling instead of a full one!

Funny and Relatable Situations

These longer jokes tell amusing stories that anyone can relate to. The quirky characters and funny plot lines will have you chuckling.

  1. Xiaoming was in English class when the teacher asked him to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Xiaoming thought for a bit and then said, “I have a sweater with 10 buttons, but I only fascinate.”
  2. Little Ming was struggling with his homework. He asked his father, “Dad, what does the chicken give us?” His dad answered proudly, “Eggs!” Ming replied, “No wonder I’m failing. I wrote milk!”
  3. Liang wanted to impress a girl by acting like he knew a lot about wine. He took her to a restaurant and said arrogantly, “Waiter, I’ll have your finest red wine, and make sure it’s well-chianti’d.”
  4. Xiao Li was told to write a short story using as few words as possible. He wrote: “Wife told husband lunch ready. He has eaten already, asks for dinner.” The teacher gave him top marks for concise storytelling.
  5. Mr. Zhang was applying for a new job. Under skills, he wrote: “Can cook minute rice in 58 seconds.” Impressed, the boss hired him immediately.

Jokes About Chinese Legends and Historical References

These Chinese jokes feature beloved legendary figures and cultural icons as part of the punchline. Knowing a bit about Chinese folklore makes them especially funny.

  1. Why did Confucius get angry at his pupils? Because they had no class.
  2. What did Confucius say when he dropped his chicken noodle soup? “Confucius say, man who drop chopsticks in food may as well go fishing.”
  3. Why did the Monkey King get in trouble fighting demons? He was always raised a bit of Havoc.
  4. What did Mulan say when she ran out of arrows? “Make a man out of you!”
  5. Why was the Great Wall of China built so tall? To keep the Mongols out, obviously.
  6. Why did Emperor Qin need to be buried with the terracotta army? He wanted peace in the afterlife, not war!
  7. What is the best Chinese philosophy for getting rich? Confucius says, business prospers when people’s pockets are loose.
  8. How do you say “long time no see” in Ancient Chinese? “Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.”
  9. Why did the Chinese unicorn only have one horn? Because one was Qi-nuff!
  10. Which Bruce Lee movie does Jackie Chan appear in? Enter the Dragon these pants are too tight!
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Funny Fables with a Twist

These Chinese jokes take the form of a traditional fable or story but end with an unexpected modern twist. The ironic endings deliver big laughs.

  1. An emperor was growing old and wanted to choose his successor wisely. He decided to give each of his sons one seed and judge by what they grow. The first son grew an apple tree, the second a grapevine, but the third grew only a bamboo stick. The emperor chose the third son, praising his wisdom in realizing you can become anything in life if you have the right connections.
  2. An old man sat by the river fishing every day with a straight pin for a hook. A businessman offered him a rod, reel, and box of flies, but the old man declined. The next day, the businessman came back and saw the old man catching huge fish. “How are you catching fish with that tiny pin?” he asked. The old man replied, “The fish here are trained to jump onto the shore, go through my pockets, and poke themselves to be caught.
  3. A emperor was choosing his army general. He lined up his soldiers and said whoever could make him laugh would get the job. One soldier told jokes, another did slapstick, but none succeeded. Then a small soldier shuffled to the front and said “General number one…dismissed!” The emperor cracked up laughing at his boldness and made him general.
  4. A miser hid his gold under some floorboards in his hut. Just to be safe, he drew a map so he wouldn’t forget. But then he worried what if someone found the map, so he converted the treasure’s location into a riddle. Even more worried, he then wrote the riddle in code. Finally fully relaxed, he accidentally tossed away the coded riddle and forgot where his treasure was hidden.
  5. An egoistic emperor declared himself the most precise archer in the kingdom. During an exhibition, he declared he would shoot a perfect bullseye while blindfolded. The emperor fired his arrow and hit the absolute center. He removed his blindfold and discovered the bullseye target was gone and his servant was standing there with an arrow in his heart. The emperor cried, “Can you believe that fool! He intercepted my perfect shot by running in front of the target!”

Funny Riddles to Ponder

Riddles and brain teasers are another classic type of Chinese humor. Here are some that involve clever puns and punchlines:

  1. What word starts with E, ends with E, and only contains one letter? Envelope.
  2. What belongs to you but other people use it more than you? Your name.
  3. What has a head, a tail, but no body? A coin.
  4. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
  5. What has many keys but can’t open any door? A piano.
  6. What has many needles but doesn’t sew? A Christmas tree.
  7. What has words, but never speaks? A book.
  8. What has four legs, but can’t walk? A table.
  9. What room has no walls, no floor, no ceiling, yet a door? A mushroom.
  10. What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T? A teapot.

Limericks and Poems for Laughs

This collection of funny short poems and limericks add a rhyming spin on Chinese humor:

  1. There once was a man named Hu,
    Who slipped on some tofu.
    He screamed and he cried,
    As his pants became dyed.
    Now his laundry pile grew!
  2. A chef wanted to make soup du jour,
    But found he was lacking an ingredient core.
    No leeks, no carrots, no parsnips either,
    Just garlic, ginger, and goji berries.
    His soup would be healthy but rather a bore!
  3. Old Li laughed till he coughed,
    At a pepper so spicy he gagged.
    Will someone please warn,
    That Sichuan cuisine is too hot?
    Now painfully on milk Li is gagged.
  4. Sipping tea by West Lake, so pretty,
    In Hangzhou I spotted Lynette.
    But she spilled on her shirt,
    The teahouse she will spurn,
    Next time we all drink bottled water instead!
  5. On top of Great Wall, atop steep stairs,
    My sister declared we take pictures up there.
    But when climbing down,
    Her fear made her frown,
    Now afraid of high places she swears!
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Funny Proverbs with a Twist

These modified Chinese proverbs give common folk wisdom a humorous spin:

  1. Needle in ocean is easier to find, than parking on city streets when you’re behind.
  2. Foolish bird swiftly flies into forest, wise bird parks his car and walks.
  3. Teacher draws circle on board, but student transforms it into panda.
  4. Fall down seven times, get up eight times, realize you’re bad at math.
  5. Man who run behind bus get exhausted, man who run in front of bus get tired.

Modern Chinese Jokes and Memes

These contemporary Chinese jokes feature technology, pop culture references, and modern Chinese life:

  1. My friend claims there is an app that can identify any mushroom. I told him, “There is no App for that!”
  2. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other App!
  3. What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
  4. What did one saggy pants say to the other saggy pants? What’s up, butt crack?
  5. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  6. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
  7. My wife asked me to bring back a carton of soy milk from the grocery store. I accidentally bought 6 cartons. She said, “牛过了啊!” which has two meanings: 牛 (awesome) or 牛 (cow, as in too much milk).
  8. I entered the keywords “Lost Chinese submarine” into Baidu search engine. It said: No results found.
  9. I ordered green tea at Starbucks, but I think the barista misunderstood. They just gave me a cup of boiling hot water!
  10. McDonald’s new sandwich is called “The McBaozi.” Their next one will be “The McCrab Rangoon.”

Funny Insults and Comebacks

Chinese people are masters of clever insults and snappy comebacks. Here are some funny examples of friendly verbal sparring:

  1. You’re as useless as a bamboo umbrella.
  2. I don’t listen to you; I tolerate you.
  3. Your face is thicker than Beijing gravy.
  4. Washing your face won’t fix your ugly mug.
  5. Your brain is as empty as a winter melon.
  6. I hear the echo when I talk to you.
  7. You bring new meaning to the term ‘frequent flyer fool’.
  8. I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up your ass.
  9. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
  10. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the trash out.

Hilarious and Dirty Chinese Jokes (NSFW)

Warning: The following jokes are for mature adult audiences only. Do not read if you are easily offended.

Here are some of the most outrageous and inappropriate Chinese dirty jokes:

  1. A man tells his doctor: “When I do this with my finger, it hurts. When my wife does it, it feels great!” The doctor replies: “Your finger is not long enough.”
  2. An 80-year old Chinese man went to his doctor for a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The doctor said: “I did a full physical last week and didn’t find anything wrong. Do you mind me asking what’s your secret?” The man replied: “It’s simple. When I get an erection, I get dizzy for five seconds. When I see a pretty girl, I wait for six seconds before I approach her.”
  3. A wife got a message on her phone from an unknown number that just said “Hi sweetheart.” She immediately showed her husband and demanded an explanation. The husband took out his phone, texted something, and handed it back to his wife. The message said “Sorry wrong number.”
  4. Three construction workers are having lunch atop a high-rise building. The first man opens his lunchbox and exclaims: “Damn I have egg sandwiches again! If I have egg sandwich tomorrow, I’m jumping off this building!” The second man opens his lunchbox and shouts: “What?! Corned beef sandwiches again! If I have this tomorrow, I’m jumping too!” The third man opens his lunchbox and yells: “Oh no, chili noodles again! That’s it I’m jumping right now!”
  5. A wife was cleaning and found Viagra in her husband’s nightstand. Furious, she demanded an explanation. The husband said, “They’re not mine.” The wife shot back, “Then who are they for, the neighbor??” The husband replied, “No, they’re for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…”
  6. An extremely dirty and ugly prostitute went to the doctor and said, “Doctor, I need your help. I’m horribly unattractive and don’t get any customers.” The doctor replied, “Well for one thing, take a bath and clean up properly. Anything else?” The prostitute said, “Yes, can you wash my jaws?”
  7. A wife asked her programmer husband to go grocery shopping. She said, “Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.” The husband returned with 12 loaves of bread.
  8. What does a Chinese man do standing up, a British man do sitting down, and a French man do lying down? Answer: Brush their teeth.
  9. Why do Japanese businessmen always bring along an extra pair of socks when they travel? In case they meet geishas!
  10. What’s the slang term for a Chinese orgy? Mongooses!
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Funny Adult Tongue Twisters (NSFW)

Caution: Do not read these inappropriate tongue twisters out loud!

  1. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled penis.
  2. Betty bought a bit of better butt butter to make Barry’s balls burst.
  3. Six sleazy strippers wearing silk slips slit slits in the sheets.
  4. Cheap chip carved chopsticks chafe my cleavage as cherry cheeks turn cheerful.
  5. Crispy critters creep creepily on creamy ceiling clit.
  6. Lucky’s lusty lesbian lady likes licking Lotte’s luscious labia lewdly.
  7. Picking pickle pepper Peter’s pecker poked Petunia’s privates peculiarly.
  8. Frisky Frank’s frisky fantasy involves five fruity fannies.
  9. Silly Willy licked warm whipped cream between Wanda’s wobbly watermelons wickedly.
  10. Betty Blaster made blistering biscuits using bitter butter battered balls.

Frequently Asked Questions About Chinese Jokes

Here are answers to some common queries people have about Chinese humor and jokes:

Q: Are Chinese jokes and humor different from Western jokes?

A: Yes, Chinese jokes reflect Chinese culture and ways of thinking. They often rely on Chinese language puns and historical references that Westerners may not understand. The surprise endings are also a hallmark of Chinese humor not always found in Western jokes. However, some universal jokes and comedic themes resonate across both cultures.

Q: Who are some famous Chinese comedians I should know about?

A: Some hugely popular Chinese comedians include Zhou Libo, Guo Degang, Cai Ming, and Da Peng. Check out their standup routines online or TV shows like Roast, Rock & Roast, and I Am a Comedian for hilarious contemporary Chinese comedy.

Q: What is xiangsheng, and how is it related to Chinese jokes?

A: Xiangsheng is a traditional Chinese comedic performance where two performers banter back and forth. It often uses puns, facial expressions, and personas. Many classic xiangsheng routines have turned into well-known Chinese jokes over the years.

Q: Are there some jokes only Chinese people would understand?

A: Yes, some Chinese jokes rely heavily on clever puns in Mandarin or other Chinese languages that just don’t translate well. Jokes referring to historical events like the Three Kingdoms period also tend to lose impact on non-Chinese audiences lacking that context.

Q: Do Chinese jokes work well translated into English?

A: It depends. Simple puns and plays on words translate easily and can be enjoyed in English. However, jokes relying on homonyms, cultural references, or Chinese vocabulary are less funny translated directly. But skilled translators can often convey the humor by adapting the jokes.

Q: What makes Chinese humor unique compared to other cultures’ comedy?

A: Chinese jokes excel at double meanings, irony, role reversals, and surprise endings. They allow humor in ambiguousness and contradictions. Chinese culture also values laughs at one’s own expense over mocking others. These factors differentiate Chinese comedy from Western styles.

I hope these detailed explanations help answer most questions people have about the broad range of Chinese jokes and comedy! Let me know if you need any clarification or have additional questions.