100 Bible Jokes That Will Blow Your Mind!

In this post, we’ve collected 100 of the funniest Bible jokes that will have you rolling on the floor. From punny takes on famous Bible stories to jokes about biblical figures, these Bible jokes poke gentle fun at the Good Book without being disrespectful. So get ready to laugh your way through the Testaments!

Old Testament Jokes

The Old Testament provides plenty of fodder for jokes, from the creation story to the feats of the major prophets. Here are some of our favorite funny takes on the first half of the Bible:

Adam and Eve Jokes

  • How did Adam know what Eve looked like when God first created her? He took one look at her and said “Whoa, man!”
  • Why did God create Adam before he created Eve? Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
  • What did Adam say to Eve when they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden? “My dear, we are living in an age of transition.”
  • Why did the serpent target Eve instead of Adam? Because even back then, the snake knew women are more gullible!

Noah’s Ark Jokes

  • Why didn’t Noah do much fishing off the ark? He only had two worms!
  • How did Noah see in the dark aboard the ark? He used the flood lights!
  • Why didn’t they play cards on Noah’s Ark? Because Noah was always standing on the deck!
  • What animal was with Noah on the ark but was never mentioned in the Bible? It was the leopard who left his spots there!

Moses Jokes

  • Why did Moses wander through the desert for 40 years? Because even back then, men wouldn’t stop and ask for directions.
  • How did the Israelite soldiers recognize Moses during battle? He was the one parting the red sea.
  • Why did Moses build a boat made of reeds? He wanted a vessel that was papyrus thin.
  • How did Moses make his coffee in the morning? Hebrewed it!

Samson and Delilah Jokes

  • Why did Delilah cut off Samson’s hair? She wanted to see if bald really is beautiful!
  • What did Samson say to Delilah after she cut his hair? “Don’t I look smashing?”
  • Why was Samson so strong? Because he did CrossFit and P90X.
  • What did Samson say when the Philistines poked his eyes out? “At this point, I have a blind fury toward you all!”

Daniel in the Lion’s Den Jokes

  • Why did Daniel survive in the lion’s den? He offered the lions samples of his Den Dan snacks.
  • How did Daniel keep track of the days in the lion’s den? He marked it on his lion calendar.
  • What did Daniel say to the lions when he first entered their den? “How’s everyone feline tonight?”
  • Why did the lions accept Daniel so readily? Because they could tell he was an upright and honorable man.

Jonah and the Whale Jokes

  • What does a swallowed prophet make? A holy man sandwich!
  • How did Jonah feel after being inside the whale for three days? Down in the mouth!
  • What kind of pants did Jonah wear? Whale cords!
  • What was Jonah most looking forward to after getting swallowed by the whale? The end of his gut-wrenching experience!

New Testament Jokes

With its stories of Jesus and the apostles, the New Testament is also rife with humorous potential. Here are some of our favorite jokes inspired by the second half of the Bible:

Jesus Jokes

  • When Jesus said “follow me” to his disciples, did they all line up behind him single file?
  • Why was Jesus always ripped? Because he did cross-fit.
  • Why did Jesus walk on water? It was faster than swimming.
  • How did Jesus keep his figure so trim? He did CrossFit.

Disciple Jokes

  • Why was Peter denied entry to the disciple brunch? He forgot the passover!
  • Which disciple loves baking? Pie-ter!
  • Which disciple was the most skeptical? Doubting Thomas!
  • What do you call an obese disciple? Lard-a-wrist!

Parable Jokes

  • Why was the prodigal son so dirty when he returned home? Because he was a pigpen!
  • Why did the foolish man build his house on sand? He took the parable a bit too literally!
  • How many apostles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twelve – one to hold the bulb and eleven to turn the house.
  • Which vegetable was the most loyal follower? Lettuce pray!

Miracle Jokes

  • Why was Jesus able to feed 5,000 people with just five loaves and two fish? Because the food multiplied, duh.
  • Why did Jesus walk on water instead of just swimming? Because it was more miraculous that way!
  • Why did Jesus turn water into wine? To show off his best party trick.
  • How did Jesus cure a man of blindness? He gave him 20/20 vision.

Heaven and Hell Jokes

  • How did Jonah feel after the whale spit him out? Out of the frying pan, into the fire!
  • Why couldn’t Jonah find shade in the whale’s belly? Because he was in the belly of the behe-moth!
  • What do you call a dyslexic devil worshipper? A Santa Claus!
  • Where do bad folks drink? The filthy bar!
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

Funny Bible Puns

Puns and wordplay also lend themselves well to biblical humor. Here are some of our favorite groan-worthy puns using biblical references:

  • The first insect on Noah’s Ark was…The Arkansaw mosquito!
  • What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Ruth-less!
  • Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson—he brought the house down!
  • What do they call pastors in Germany? German Shepherds!
  • Why was Cain upset after murdering his brother? He just couldn’t Abel to go through with it!
  • What do you call a lazy church security guard? A slacker for the Lord!
  • Which biblical character is the best cook? Solomon – he was renowned for his good taste!
  • Where was Solomon’s temple located? On the side of his head!
  • Who was the smartest man in the Bible? Abraham – he knew a Lot!
  • What do you call a Bible that has lost its motivation? Demotivation!

Funny Bible Trivia

Asking tongue-in-cheek trivia questions about biblical details is another great source of humor. Here are some examples:

  • True or False: Noah had three sons named Ham, Cheese, and Crackers.
  • How long did Cain hate his brother before killing him? Just a minutest.
  • Who is the shortest person mentioned in the Bible? Bildad the Shoe Height!
  • What was the name of the first bicycle? Adam and Wheel!
  • True or False: God first created coffee, then he made man.
  • How many animals of each kind did Moses take aboard the ark? I don’t know, go ask Noah!
  • Who is the only woman specifically named in the Ten Commandments? Doris
  • What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
  • Which biblical character was the youngest to speak foul language? Baalam’s ass!
  • Which biblical character was the first to say “Praise the Lord!”? The loose tile on the temple roof!

Funny Bible Memes

Internet memes based on biblical images provide another treasure trove of hilarity. Some popular examples include:

  • That awkward moment when you try to sacrifice your son because God told you to. #JustAbrahamThings
  • Am I my brother’s keeper? Well, I’m definitely not his barber! #CainAndUnable
  • When you’ve been preaching for 3 hours and someone shouts “Tell it, preacher!” #SomebodyGetMeDown
  • What people think I do: Wrestle angels. What I really do: Dislocate hips #JacobProblems
  • When you’re about to fight a giant and King Saul tries to dress you in his armor. #LetMeLive
  • When the youth group leader says “This is gonna be dope!” #FleeYouth
  • When you’re on the ark for 40 days and just want to see a palm tree. #SoDoneWithThis
  • When you spent 10 years building the ark and everyone laughs until it starts raining. #ToldYouSo

Funny Church and Sunday School Jokes

Poking good-natured fun at church culture never gets old. Here are some Sunday morning laughs:

  • Why was the Sunday school teacher cross-eyed? Because she couldn’t control her pupils!
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
  • Why do pastors have to eat lots of bananas? For their potassium, so they can preach-a-potassium!
  • Why was the pastor unhappy with his lot in life? Because he felt like he’d been cast into an abyss.
  • Why did the pastor install a zip line in the sanctuary? Just for the fun of it!
  • Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? Because it had waves!
  • What kind of shoes did the pastor wear to church? Holy sneakers!
  • Why was the sanctuary so cold? Because they can’t afford the deacons!
  • Why did the pastor giggle during his sermon? The choir was egging him on!

Funny Christian Jokes

And here are some final laughs pointing out the quirks of Christian culture:

  • Why couldn’t the Christian band perform at the concert? They had a prior engagement!
  • Why was the Christian drummer asked to leave the worship team? He kept breaking the cymbal-ic law!
  • Why do Christians make the best landlords? Because they follow the golden rule!
  • Why are Christian singers so humble? They’re always asking for feedback, not feed me.
  • What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic!
  • Why did the Christian have to stop telling religious knock-knock jokes? People kept turning him away.
  • Why did the Christian bring an extra pair of socks to church? For their offertory!
  • What is a priest’s favorite kind of exercise? Cross-fit!
  • Why do Christians make bad cops? They always turn the other cheek!
  • What do you call someone who tithes veggies from their garden? A Crop-stian!

Conclusion

  1. We hope you enjoyed this collection of clean Christian jokes! Laughter connects us all and helps make the world a little brighter. While the Bible is not strictly a joke book, it does contain wisdom that can be applied with good humor. Stay tuned for more biblical jokes and comedy coming soon!

Frequently Asked Questions about Bible Jokes

Here are answers to some common questions people have about jokes related to the Bible:

Q: Are Bible jokes sacrilegious or disrespectful?

A: Not necessarily. Most Bible jokes poke gentle fun without belittling sacred scriptures or figures. Laughing together builds connections.

Q: What Bible stories make for the best jokes?

A: Stories involving Adam and Eve, Noah’s Ark, Moses, Jonah, and the disciples tend to inspire the most jokes. Jesus’ parables also lend themselves to humor.

Q: Are Bible puns offensive?

A: Puns are generally seen as lighthearted wordplay. Most Bible puns are silly rather than irreverent.

Q: Should kids hear Bible jokes?

A: As long as the humor is gentle and not mocking, Bible jokes can help kids engage with scripture. Monitor jokes for age-appropriateness.

Q: Are Bible memes and trivia disrespectful?

A: Not if they are made in fun. Memes and trivia can actually highlight biblical familiarity in new ways. But avoid mocking tone.

Q: Is it OK for pastors and churches to tell Bible jokes?

A: Yes, when done tastefully! Humor humanizes clergy and makes scripture feel more relatable. But avoid jokes that feel meanspirited.

Laughter and levity help us appreciate biblical wisdom with childlike wonder. May these jokes encourage smiles without malice!

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