We’ve rounded up 100 of the funniest law jokes that will have you laughing until you need legal representation. The legal profession is known for being overly serious and full of jargon. However, lawyers have a great sense of humor too! Get ready for hilarious takes on lawyers, judges, juries, and the legal system.

Hilarious Lawyer Jokes

Lawyers bear the brunt of many jokes for being greedy, manipulative, and willing to find loopholes. But these law jokes show their funny side too!

1. Why do you call a lawyer that graduated at the bottom of their law school class? Your Honor.
2. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
3. What do you call 25 lawyers buried up to their neck in cement? Not enough cement.
4. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure? The bucket.
5. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100? Your honor.
6. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
7. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar? The pronunciation.
8. What do you call a lawyer who represents himself? A fool.
9. Why does the law society frown on sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
10. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you once you’re dead.
11. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
12. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
13. What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.
15. Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? To practice.
16. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing ring? One is a spectacle, and the other spectacles.
17. What is the definition of a shame? When a lawyer gets pregnant.
18. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
19. Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got first choice.
20. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Funny Judge Jokes

Judges don’t escape the jokes either for their black robes, serious courtroom manner, and power over people’s lives. But these jokes show judges deserve some laughs too.

21. What’s the difference between a judge and a lawyer? A lawyer knows the law. A judge knows the judge.
22. Why don’t judges like puns? They have heard them all before.
23. Why did the judge go to dental school? To become a juris-dentist.
24. What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
25. Why are judges never fully dressed? They always wear a black robe.
26. Why did the judge keep a hammer and drum set in her courtroom? To maintain order!
27. How does a judge stay warm in winter? They wear their robe.
28. Why can’t bike riders be judges? They are always prejudiced!
29. What do you call a sleepy judge? A drowsy jurist.
30. How does a judge stay organized? With a gavel and list!
31. Why do judges use gavels? Because hammers would be overruling!
32. Why aren’t lawyers ever asked to be judges? Because it would be too much of a demotion.
33. Why was the judge arrested? For trying to sway a jury!
34. What do you call it when a judge uses the bathroom? Supreme Court restroom break.
35. Why don’t they let judges become doctors? Because they already have patients!
36. What do you call a judge who just had their morning coffee? An honor with caffeine.
37. Why don’t judges mix drinks? They prefer straight shots.
38. Why was the judge put on trial? For being on the bench too long!
39. How do judges stay calm in court? Lots of order in the court!

Funny Jury Jokes

Juries have an extremely serious job. But these jokes show even jurors need some comedy in their lives!

40. Why was the jury dismissed early? They had heard enough already!
41. Why did the jury find the butcher not guilty? There was no evidence of a crime!
42. Why did the jury only deliberate for 5 minutes? They wanted to avoid a hung jury.
43. Why did the jury believe everything the lawyer said? He made a strong case.
44. Why did the jury doubt the dentist’s testimony? It seemed fishy.
45. Why was the jury diagnosis disputed? The opinion was split.
46. Why was the jury sidetracked during deliberations? They got hung up on a technicality.
47. Why was the jury excused on day one of the trial? The case was open and shut.
48. Why did the jury award the cycling champion $10 million? There were tonnes of evidence.
49. Why was the jury certain the defendant was guilty? The lawyer convinced them beyond a reasonable doubt.
50. Why did the jury find the clown innocent? The evidence didn’t make up.

Funny Courtroom Jokes

Courtrooms are intimidating places filled with obscure Latin phrases and archaic rituals. But these jokes prove there’s always room for humor, even when lives hang in the balance.

51. What do lawyers wear in court? Lawsuits!
52. Why do courts have bibles? For the cross examinations!
53. Why do courtroom doors have a small window on them? Appeal!
54. What do you call a new attorney in court? Sue pretrained.
55. Why did the courtroom have to be evacuated? There was an objectionable odor.
56. How does the courtroom stay warm in winter? It’s kept at supreme heat.
57. Why did the defendant swear to tell the truth? He needed an alibi.
58. What do you call a small courtroom? A mini-trial.
59. Why do courts have mirrors? For people to check themselves before being wrecked.
60. How does the courtroom stay organized? The judge uses a checklist and gavel order!
61. Why do people study law? To pass the bar exam.
62. Why did the trial take so long? There were too many appeals.
63. Why was evidence thrown out of court? It was objected to!
64. What do lawyers say to each other before a court trial? May the best attorney win.
65. Why are courtroom floors so shiny? Retained attorneys buff them.
66. Why do courts have so many windows? For appeal!
67. What’s a lawyers favorite way to release stress? By pounding their gavel.
68. Why do courts have a bench? It’s where the judges make rulings from!
69. Why did the defendant request a change of venue? They wanted an impartial jury.
70. Why do courtrooms have a box for the accused? It’s called the defense pen!

Hilarious Legal Profession Jokes

The legal profession has many obscure traditions and customs that are perfectly suited for joke material!

71. What do you call an attorney who fails the bar exam? A lawyer wannabe.
72. What do you call an attorney with no experience? Proof law school is useless.
73. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
74. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
75. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
76. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.
77. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
78. What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road? The skunk has skid marks in front of it.
79. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot them before they hit the water.
80. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
81. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
82. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
83. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing ring? One is a spectacle and the other spectacles.
84. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute stops screwing you when you’re dead.
85. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.
86. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
87. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
88. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
89. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
90. What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

Funny Legal Expressions Jokes

Legal language is notoriously complex and obtuse. These jokes shed a comedic light on convoluted legal expressions.

91. Why was the Heath family upset after the courtroom hearing? Their case was res judicata.
92. Why did the plaintiff lose the personal injury lawsuit? The claims were barred by legal doctrines!
93. Why was the court dismissal unexpected? It was a sua sponte decision.
94. Why did the attorney instantly drop his client’s counterclaim? It had no prima facie validity.
95. How does an attorney get fired? Actus reus for malpractice!
96. Why was the eyewitness account deemed unreliable testimony? It was circumstantial evidence.
97. Why was the inheritance dispute so convoluted? Each party hired escheator attorneys.
98. Why was the contract deemed unenforceable? There was inadequate consideration.
99. Why was the property title suddenly invalidated? A broken chain of title.
100. Why was the judge lenient in the sentencing? The criminal showed remorse and contrition.

Frequently Asked Questions About Law Jokes

If you’re laughing at law jokes and seeking more legal laughs, check out this FAQ guide!

Are lawyer jokes disrespectful?

Most lawyer jokes are told in good fun and help humanize the legal profession. Lawyers have a great sense of humor about the jokes told at their expense. However, some “jokes” can perpetuate harmful stereotypes. It’s best to avoid mean-spirited jokes that are solely intended to insult lawyers.

What are the most common lawyer jokes?

The most common jokes poke fun at lawyers being greedy, dishonest, and willing to find loopholes to win cases. Jokes often involve wordplay on legal terms or exaggerated stereotypes of lawyers as callous and manipulative. Many jokes center around how much lawyers overcharge their clients.

Do lawyers enjoy legal humor too?

Absolutely! Lawyers are in on the jokes and enjoy legal humor as much as anyone. After dealing with the pressures and complexities of the legal system all day, lawyers appreciate a good law joke to lighten the mood. Lawyer jokes are often told within the profession.

What are some other sources of law jokes?

Lawyer jokes have been around for decades, so there are many places to find more. Classic lawyer jokes can be found in joke books, on attorney humor blogs, lawyer joke websites, legal magazines, and lawyer social media accounts. Even legal TV shows and movies often incorporate law jokes.

How can I remember all these hilarious law jokes?

100 jokes is a lot to recall! But you can improve your retention by grouping jokes by theme or profession – lawyer, judge, jury etc. Connecting jokes to others with similar concepts, structures and punchlines makes them easier to remember. And nothing beats repeating jokes regularly to friends and colleagues!

So there you have it – 100 of the funniest law jokes imaginable! From quips about greedy lawyers to cringe-worthy puns using legal lingo, these jokes cover the humorous side of the legal profession from every angle. Whether you’re an attorney looking for courtroom laughs or simply enjoy legal humor, these jokes will having you doubled over in laughter. Always consult an attorney before attempting slapstick comedy in the courtroom.