Menards is known for its rebate program that offers money back on select purchases. This unique program has inspired many Menard Rebate jokes and memes over the years. In this blog post, we’ve compiled 100 of the funniest Menard rebate jokes that will make you laugh!
What is Menards Rebate Program?
For those unfamiliar, Menards is a home improvement retail chain primarily located in the Midwestern United States. They offer an extensive rebate program where customers can mail in product UPC codes and receipts to get a check back for a percentage of their purchase price. Rebate amounts vary by product but can be anywhere from $1 to hundreds of dollars.
The rebate program is popular among Menards shoppers as a way to save money on big-ticket items like appliances, tools, and building materials. However, it does require diligently keeping track of all rebate paperwork and submitting it during the limited rebate window.
This intricate rebate process has led many to joke about the complexities and difficulties of actually getting your Menard rebate money back!
Menard Rebate Jokes
1. I’m still waiting on my rebate check from that Menards axe murder kit I bought in 1998.
2. Menards rebates are like a distant relative who promises to leave you money when they die but you know you’ll never see a dime.
3. What do Menards rebates and ex-wives have in common? They both take your money and are never seen again.
4. My Menards rebate checks are funding my retirement. Well, would be if they ever arrived.
5. Menards should just call them “Future Discount Coupons” because that’s the only way I’ll ever get to use them.
6. I asked my magic 8 ball if I’ll get my Menards rebate and it said “Outlook not so good”.
7. Menards rebates are like trickle down economics. You keep waiting for the money to come but it never does.
8. I submitted my Menards rebates so long ago that I think they got lost in the mail with my Publisher’s Clearing House checks.
9. Menards rebates are the “thoughts and prayers” of the retail world. They pretend to do something but don’t really help at all.
10. I used to spend hours digging through my Menards receipts but found it’s easier to just burn the money directly for warmth.
11. I asked Menards for an advance on my rebate checks but they just sent me another rebate form to fill out.
12. My retirement grease is all Menards rebate checks that I’ve collected over the years. It’s very liberating!
13. I accrued enough in Menards rebates to put a down payment on a house but decided to just forfeit them and rent.
14. Instead of “Money Back Guarantee” Menards slogan should be “Rebate Redistribution Program.”
15. Menards rebates are as reliable as my alcoholic uncle. He swears he’ll pay me back but we both know it’s never going to happen.
16. I submitted rebates for my entire Menards purchase history hoping to get at least one check back, but all I got was identity theft.
17. I asked my Menards rebate check to take me to prom and it said it couldn’t commit right now and needed more time to think about our future.
18. Instead of rebate checks, Menards should just hand out lottery scratch tickets at checkout. The odds of winning are about the same.
19. I subscribed to Menards rebate check tracking service but all I get are emails saying “your rebate is pending.”
20. Menards rebates are like the sweet lies men tell when they’re trying to hook up. Don’t believe them for a second.
21. My Menards rebates were supposed to pay for my wedding. Now we’re registered at the courthouse.
22. I used to spend hours cutting out Menards rebate UPCs but found it’s the same financial return if I just cut up cash directly into tiny pieces.
23. I asked my Menards rebate check to marry me. It said it wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment but maybe in another 10-15 business days.
24. Instead of rebate checks, Menards should just hand out Lotto scratchers at checkout. The odds of winning seem about the same.
25. Menards rebates are like my paycheck – I know I earned it but I never actually see the money.
26. Menards rebates are as illusive as a leprechaun riding a unicorn carrying a pot of gold. Good luck ever seeing one!
27. My retirement plan is to collect enough Menards rebates to sustain me through my golden years. I may have to work until I’m 95.
28. I have a better chance of being struck by lightning while cashing a winning Powerball ticket than ever seeing a Menards rebate check.
29. Menards rebate checks are delivered by a stork that only comes if you truly believe in it. That’s why no one ever gets them.
30. I think my Menards rebate check got lost in the mail with my acceptance letter to Hogwarts. Neither seem to be arriving.
31. Waiting for a Menards rebate check teaches you a valuable lesson about disappointment and betrayal at a young age.
32. I asked Santa for my Menards rebate check for Christmas. Apparently even his magic has limits though.
33. Instead of 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave me 12 Menards rebate checks post-dated for the next 12 months. Here’s hoping!
34. My retirement grease is made of melted Menards rebate checks that I finally received when I turned 95. It smells like victory!
35. Getting a Menards rebate check is as rare as seeing a double rainbow across the sky while witnessing a unicorn gallop by.
36. Menards rebate checks are delivered by the same stork that brings women their period each month. I haven’t seen either in years.
37. I think I have a better chance of marrying a super model than ever cashing a Menards rebate check. Both seem equally unrealistic.
38. The quickest way to a billion dollars – invest your entire net worth in Menards rebate checks. You’ll never have to pay a dime!
39. Instead of a rebate program, Menards should just occasionally surprise random customers by paying for their entire cart of stuff. It has the same odds.
40. Chasing a Menards rebate check is like chasing a rainbow. No matter how far you go, it always seems just out of reach.
41. Menards rebate checks are delivered on the same day you expect sincere apologies from all your exes. I ain’t holding my breath!
42. Menards should stop mailing rebate checks and just hand out “I Owe You” IOUs at checkout. Then at least your expectations would be clear.
43. My retirement plan is winning the lotto so I can build a vault and fill it with all the Menards rebate checks owed to me through the years.
44. Getting my Menards rebate checks would basically make me a millionaire at this point. If only they arrived…
45. I think I have a better chance of stumbling on a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow than getting back any money I’ve submitted to Menards rebates.
46. Waiting for your Menards rebate check to arrive is like leaving a drink out for Santa on Christmas Eve. Morning comes and the glass is still full.
47. I accrued enough in Menards rebates last year to buy a Ferrari. Instead I’m still driving a ’97 Honda Civic.
48. My Menards rebate check and I have one of those “it’s complicated” Facebook relationships. The money was promised but it’s just not happening.
49. I’m convinced my Menards rebate checks are routed to some island where they live happily ever after without me.
50. My retirement plan is applying for a Menards rebate credit card, charging a million dollars, and submitting the UPCs. Then I’ll retire on the rebate checks!
51. Menards rebate checks are as fictional as Dracula, Wolfman, and The Mummy. People claim they exist but I ain’t ever seen proof.
52. Submitting Menards rebates feels as productive as liking Facebook posts to cure cancer. You hope it helps but know it does nothing.
53. My Menards rebate check was born the same day as Jesus Christ. It was promised thousands of years ago but has yet to actually arrive.
54. I asked my Magic 8 Ball if my Menards rebate check was in the mail and it said “Cannot predict now. Try again later.” Been hearing that for 20 years…
55. Waiting for Menards rebates is like waiting for your deadbeat dad to come back from the store with that gallon of milk he promised. Don’t hold your breath.
56. I went to cash my Menards rebate check but the bank teller said it was too old to redeem and belonged in a museum.
57. Menards rebate checks are as extinct as dinosaurs. People claim they existed once long ago, but the evidence is spotty at best.
58. My 401k is invested entirely in Menards rebate futures. It will provide a robust retirement fund provided I live to be 305 years old.
59. You have a better shot at winning the lottery 10 times in a row than getting a single Menards rebate check for more than $5.
60. Instead of promotional mailers, Menards should send customers their rebate checks. Then at least they’d be sending out something useful.
61. Waiting for your Menard’s rebate is like waiting for your dad to get back with that gallon of milk he left for 15 years ago.
62. My retirement grease is invested entirely in Menards rebate checks that I’m sure will pay off handsomely in another 60-70 years.
63. Menards rebates are as fictional as the tooth fairy. Adults claim they exist to make kids feel better, but the money never actually appears.
64. I tried submitting my Menards rebate receipts as payment on my credit card bill. Apparently Visa has no sense of humor.
65. I think I have a better chance of riding a unicorn through a double rainbow than ever holding a legitimate Menards rebate check.
66. Instead of rebate checks, Menards should hand out lottery scratch-offs at checkout. At least scratchers pay out at better odds.
67. My retirement fund is entirely invested in Menards rebate checks that I just know will pay off big time… in another 60 years or so.
68. Waiting for a Menards rebate check is as productive as sending thoughts and prayers to disaster victims. It makes you feel better but does nothing.
69. I accrued enough in Menards rebates to buy a Ferrari. I’m still driving a ’97 Honda Civic but hope springs eternal!
70. I tried to pay my taxes with Menards rebate checks but the IRS said they only accept real money, not mythical creatures.
71. Menards rebate checks are kinda like Santa Claus. Adults pretend they’re real so kids believe, but the presents never actually come.
72. My retirement plan is using Menards rebates to buy a yacht, a mansion, and a tropical island. Here’s hoping I live to 120!
73. The day I get a six figure Menards rebate check is the day donkeys fly and cats bark like dogs. I ain’t holding my breath.
74. Waiting for Menards rebate checks to arrive is as useless as sending thoughts and prayers to hurricane victims. It makes you feel good but does nothing.
75. I have a better chance of flapping my arms and flying to the moon than ever seeing a cent from Menards rebates.
76. My retirement accounts are entirely invested in Menards rebate checks. Financial experts say I’m insane but I know it’ll pay off.. eventually!
77. Menards should forget rebate checks and just hand out crisp $100 bills at checkout instead. Same odds of getting the cash either way!
78. Getting a Menards rebate check is as likely as opening your faucet and having chocolate syrup come out instead of water. Don’t hold your breath.
79. The day I finally get a Menards rebate check for more than $2 is the day I witness pigs fly and hell freezes over.
80. Menards rebate checks are delivered on the 30th of February each year. So you know, never.
81. My retirement grease is entirely invested in Menards rebate checks and Bitcoins. Neither seem to be building much wealth yet.
82. I have a better chance of suddenly being named Supreme Ruler of the Universe than of ever getting back any serious cash from Menards rebates.
83. Waiting for Menards rebate checks is as useless as rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. The ship is going down regardless.
84. I accrued enough in Menards rebates last year to buy a Lamborghini. Instead I’m riding the bus. Someday those checks will come though!
85. Menards should just tell customers that rebate checks are delivered by a unicorn stork named Violet. Then people would understand why we never see them.
86. I have a W-2 form from the IRS claiming my income last year was entirely from Menards rebate checks. If only that were true…
87. I tried planting my Menards rebate forms in the garden and growing money trees. All I got was some very boxy bushes. Darn.
88. My Beanie Baby collection and Menards rebate checks will fund a lavish retirement someday. That’s what I keep telling myself at least!
89. Menards rebates are as illusory as an oasis in the desert. The closer you get, the more it fades into nothingness.
90. The likelihood of getting a Menards rebate check is the same as randomly stumbling upon a colony of unicorns in the forest.
91. I keep all my Menards rebate paperwork in a lockbox I lovingly call my “Future Fortune”. Then I cry a little inside.
92. Menards rebate checks are delivered by leprechauns riding unicorns at the end of rainbows on the 30th of February each year.
93. My retirement plan is winning the lottery so I can build a huge money bin and fill it with all the Menards rebate checks they owe me.
94. I invested my entire life savings in Menards rebate futures. Retirement, here I come in another 60-70 years!
95. Waiting for your Menards rebate check is about as useful as liking Facebook posts to cure cancer. It might make you feel good but does nothing.
96. I submitted photocopies of my rebate paperwork to Publisher’s Clearing House. Maybe they can find the Menards money I’m owed.
97. Menards rebate checks are delivered on the same day Mexico pays for the border wall, all student debt is forgiven, and hell freezes over.
98. I’ve been waiting so long for my Menards rebate checks that I’m worried I’ll die before they arrive. Here’s hoping heaven has a forwarding address!
99. My Menards rebate check and I have an “it’s complicated” relationship status. Ten years and counting in rebate purgatory.
100. I’m convinced my Menards rebate checks were raptured up to heaven in the end times. My financial salvation has forsaken me!
Menards Rebate Jokes FAQ
Still have questions about Menards rebates and the jokes they’ve inspired? Here are some frequently asked questions:
Why are Menards rebates so commonly joked about?
The Menards rebate program is notoriously stringent, requiring original UPC codes and typically only rewarding a few dollars back per rebate. The work required compared to the small rebate amounts leads many to joke that you’ll never actually see the money.
Do people really have trouble getting Menards rebates?
Many customers complain of excessively long delays, lost paperwork, denied rebates, and other headaches trying to redeem Menards rebates. While rebates are legitimate, the limitations and logistical difficulties often make for good joke fodder.
How much money can you really save with Menards rebates?
Potential savings vary based on products purchased and rebate promotions at the time. Most rebates are $1 to $10, with some being 5-10% back on big ticket items. If you’re diligent about submitting rebates, you can save hundreds per year, but it does require meticulous record keeping.
What tips help get Menards rebates successfully?
Always make copies before submitting. Double check all paperwork for accuracy. Mail rebates via certified mail with tracking to ensure delivery. Save all receipts and UPCs in case resubmission is needed. Follow up if rebates are not received within 10-12 weeks of submission.
Are Menards rebates worth the effort required?
Opinions vary on this. For big purchases, rebates of $50+ can provide substantial savings that some deem worthwhile. But for small rebates, the time involved cutting UPCs and mailing submissions often leads customers to decide it isn’t worth the effort.
Do other retailers offer rebate programs similar to Menards?
Yes, many retailers like Home Depot, Lowes, Ace Hardware, and more offer rebate programs. Requirements, redemption rates, and user experiences vary. However, jokes about the elusiveness of rebate money extend far beyond just Menards.
So there you have it – 100 of the funniest Menards rebate jokes, along with some FAQs on