Poop jokes. They’re gross, they’re crude, and they’re oh so funny. Whether you’re 5 or 95 years old, laughing at poop will always be hilarious. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of 50 exclusive poop jokes that are too funny to imagine. From potty humor to embarrassment stories, these jokes cover all things poop. Keep reading for non-stop laughter and entertainment. Just don’t blame us if you pee your pants!
Why Are Poop Jokes So Funny?
Poop jokes tap into our inner child. As kids, potty talk made us giggle uncontrollably. And that laughter still lingers today. Poop also represents a taboo subject. Discussing bodily functions openly defies social norms. Doing something naughty elicits excitement and joy. Additionally, poop symbolizes embarrassment or disaster. Imagining messy, mortifying accidents thrills us. Poop is universally funny across all ages and cultures. No matter who you are, a good poop joke will make you crack up.
The Funniest Poop Jokes Ever
Get ready to laugh harder than you ever have before. Here are 50 outrageously hilarious poop jokes ranging from one-liners to long stories. Go ahead and read them out loud to friends and family for maximum comedy. Don’t be surprised if your stomach hurts from laughing by the end!
One-Liner Poop Jokes
Let’s start with some quick and clever one-liner jokes:
- I asked my doctor if I could install a poop knife in my bathroom. He said it was a cutting-edge procedure.
- My friend got arrested for selling laxatives disguised as protein bars. That was pretty crappy of him.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but I turned myself around.
- Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be shitting me!” I said, “Well, I’m trying not to right now.”
- I ate some alphabet soup earlier. Soon I’ll be having a major vowel movement.
- I accidentally crapped my pants during my brother’s wedding. I guess that’s just part of the vows.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
- I’m reading a great book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Poop Pranks and Accidents
Practical joke mishaps and messy accidents make for hilarious stories:
- Last April Fool’s Day, I put fake dog poop on my dad’s chair as a prank. He sat down and yelled, “Crap!” Then my mom came in, saw the poop, and shrieked, “Oh shit!”
- My brother put cling film over the toilet at his friend’s party. Let’s just say it backfired and chaos ensued.
- I woke up late one morning and rushed to get ready. I showed up to work with mismatched shoes and toilet paper stuck to my pants.
- On a first date, my heel broke and I face-planted into a big pile of dog poop. My date called me Crappy Feet the rest of the night.
- During potty training, my toddler had an accident and tried to hide it under the rug. I found it later when I stepped in a lumpy wet spot.
- I was playing hide and seek with my nieces during a family reunion. I hid in the bathroom and they all crammed in with me. Then someone farted and we all screamed from the stench.
- My grandpa got drunk at Thanksgiving and mistook the kitty litter for the bathroom. My grandma found out when she saw paw prints leading to the toilet.
- I got food poisoning on a long road trip. Nowhere to pull over, I grabbed an empty fast food bag and well…you can imagine the rest.
Everybody poops, but getting caught in the act is utterly humiliating:
- A coworker walked in on me sitting on the toilet during a video conference call. My mic was on the whole time.
- During a school field trip in 3rd grade, I pooped my pants on the bus on the way back. It smelled so bad they had to stop and air out the bus.
- My boyfriend met my family for the first time. Later that night, the dog went through the trash and dragged out my used maxi pads.
- I was on a second date and cooked dinner at my place. I clogged the toilet something fierce and had to plunge loudly with the door wide open.
- In college, I came home drunk and passed out on my roommate’s bed instead of mine. I woke up having peed all over her expensive mattress.
- I got locked out of my house wearing only a towel. My nosy neighbor saw everything when the towel slipped as I tried to open the window.
- My swimsuit came off when I went down the waterslide at a waterpark. I landed at the bottom completely naked in front of a huge crowd.
Potty Language and Toilet Humor
Sometimes you just need some outright crude and vulgar jokes:
- I like my women like I like my coffee – ground up and in the freezer.
- What’s the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, but anal sex makes your hole weak.
- Did you hear about the new Ex-Lax smoothie flavor? It really helps you go!
- Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.
- Santa Claus came early this year and so did I.
- I ate corn on the cob last night. Now my poop looks like a typewriter.
- Doctor: “What seems to be the problem today?” Patient: “I have a crappy headache, piss-poor vision, and my stomach feels like shit.”
- I got food poisoning from the Mexican restaurant last night. My farts have been spicier than the tacos.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers and the middle one’s for you.
- I asked my proctologist if I could install a rear window to entertain guests. He said it would give a whole new meaning to mooning.
Silly Poop Songs and Poems
Sing these poop songs and read these poop poems out loud for maximum laughter:
- (Sing to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star) Plop, plop, little poop, in the toilet bowl you land, out my bottom you came out, now you’re off my hands. Down the hole you swirl and twirl, going on a fun ride, off to the sewer deep below, my poop I now hide.
- Roses are red, poop is brown, please don’t frown, when I make a stinky sound.
- Here is a haiku about poop: Long brown snake slithers, Curling in toilet water, Farewell fecal friend.
- (Sing to the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat) Poo, poo, poo your poop, slowly down the drain, constipation is a pain, liquid diarrhea is insane!
- There once was a man named Mr. Lump, whose poop was shaped like Forrest Gump. It clogged the hole, and covered the bowl, his family said what the rump!
Kids Say the Darndest Things About Poop
Kids talking about poop is always good for a laugh:
- A little boy pointed to a pregnant woman and yelled, “Look Mommy, she ate a baby!”
- A 3-year-old girl said, “I made chocolate soft serve!” after having an accident in her underwear.
- I babysat a 2-year-old who looked me dead in the eye and said, “I pooped.” Then walked away grinning.
- My niece wanted to play with Play-Doh, but kept calling it “Poop-Doh.”
- A toddler playing with his food said, “Here comes the poop train, open up the butthole tunnel!”
- A preschooler told his teacher, “I have a secret. I pooped under the slide.” Then smiled slyly.
- A little boy screamed, “My pee pee’s laughing at me!” while using a public restroom urinal.
- I asked my 4-year-old nephew what he learned in school. He said, “If you eat too much cheese, you’ll be farting all day.”
- A kindergartener told me, “I pooped so big, it kissed my butt goodbye before flushing down.”
- My young cousin grimaced and said, “Eating vegetables makes me poop broccoli trees.”
Poop Jokes: Frequently Asked Questions
Still have questions about poop jokes and toilet humor? Here are some common FAQs:
Why are poop jokes and potty humor so popular and funny?
Poop jokes tap into our inner child and naughty side. Discussing taboo bodily topics elicits excitement and laughter. Poop is also a universal concept everyone can relate to. No matter who you are, a good poop joke will make you crack up laughing.
Are poop jokes and toilet humor appropriate in all settings?
While poop jokes can be hilarious, they may not be appropriate in professional or formal settings. Consider your audience before telling potentially offensive jokes. Kids and relatives will likely appreciate poop humor the most.
What are some examples of funny, clean poop jokes?
You can keep poop jokes PG-rated by avoiding graphic language and focusing on silly scatological wordplay. For example, “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!” is clean.
How can I come up with funny poop jokes?
Draw inspiration from potty training mishaps, embarrassing accidents, and kids’ hilarious statements about poop. Everyday experiences like clogged toilets and food poisoning also make for funny tales. Wordplay puns using related terms like “log,” “leak,” and “dump” are easy, clean jokes.
Are there any poop jokes that are off limits or too offensive?
Yes, some poop jokes can be vulgar, mean, or even discriminatory. Avoid jokes mocking specific people or punching down at disadvantaged groups. Also steer clear of violent or sexually explicit jokes about poop.
Let the Laughter Ripple
There you have it – 50 gut busting, knee slapping poop jokes ranging from clever one-liners to elaborate embarrassing stories. From potty humor to toilet puns, this list covers all comedy scat-tergories imaginable. Go ahead, laugh until you cry and your stomach hurts. Because when it comes to poop jokes, sometimes a bit of infantile bathroom humor is just what we need. So share these silly jokes with friends and family and let the laughter ripple. Just don’t blame us if you pee your pants in the process! What poop jokes did you find funniest? Let us know!