Have A Taste Of This 100 Jackie The Joke Man Documentary Jokes!

Jackie Martling, better known as “Jackie the Joke Man,” is an American stand-up comedian, writer, radio personality, author, and actor. He is best known for being the head writer and in-house comedian for the highly popular The Howard Stern Show from 1983 to 2001.

Martling built his comedic career performing in clubs across New York City in the 1970s, eventually becoming known as “The Joke Man.” His raunchy, no-holds-barred style of humor made him a perfect fit for The Howard Stern Show. For nearly 20 years, Martling’s infamous joke writing and on-air banter with Stern were beloved hallmarks of the show.

Since leaving Stern in 2001, Martling has continued performing stand-up and released several comedy albums. He also authored multiple joke books containing his trademark dirty one-liners, stories, and quips.

In this blog post, we will highlight 100 of the funniest Jackie the Joke Man jokes, quips, and one-liners from his time on The Howard Stern Show. Get ready to have a taste of his raunchy, outrageous, and hilarious brand of comedy!

100 Hilarious Jackie the Joke Man Jokes and One-Liners

  1. I was dating a homeless chick. Everything was going fine until she gave me crabs.
  2. What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your whole day, anal sex makes your hole weak!
  3. My girlfriend said she wanted just the tip. Now she’s raising a kid that’s not mine!
  4. My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was being silly. I cheating? That’s absurd! I would never do that to my other girlfriend.
  5. I like older women. As I get older, they stay the same age!
  6. I asked a pretty but dumb girl if she could name the capital of North Carolina. She said “N.” Close, but no cigar!
  7. Did you hear about the new unattractive Barbie doll? It comes with Ken’s car and house!
  8. My wife caught me blowing the neighbor’s teenage son. “How could you?” she screamed. “He’s half your age!” “No he isn’t,” I said. “He’s 9 and I’m 45.”
  9. My wife dresses to kill. She looks like a police line up!
  10. I knew my marriage was in trouble on our wedding night. She called me by my maid of honor’s name.
  11. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  12. Someone broke into my apartment last night and stole my limburger cheese, my IRS tax records, and my Kenny G CDs. The cops said they’ll be on the lookout for some crack.
  13. The doc told me I have to stop masturbating. I asked him why, it couldn’t be bad for me. He said it’s slowing down his other patients!
  14. I went to the drugstore and asked the pharmacist for some cyanide. He said, “Why in the world would I sell you cyanide?” I told him I was going to poison my wife. He sold me the cyanide. The next day, the cops brought me in and asked why I did it. I told them I was just joking around with the pharmacist. They let me go. See, no one believes anything a black man says!
  15. Did you hear about the new “Quiet” Barbie doll? It comes with a tiny handgun, so Ken can take her out back and shoot her.
  16. My family is worried I’m addicted to brake fluid. But I can stop any time I want!
  17. People call me ugly all the time. It doesn’t bother me—I’m not that superficial!
  18. I bought a dog from the blacksmith the other day. As soon I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
  19. My boss asked me who was the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
  20. Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery.
  21. Why don’t women wear watches? There’s a clock on the stove!
  22. What do you do if your lawn mower stops working? Deport it back to Mexico!
  23. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
  24. Did you hear about the hooker who can outrun the cops? She doesn’t get caught until the John’s come out.
  25. Why do women have small feet? So they can stand closer to the sink!
  26. Did you hear about the new Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up!
  27. Did you hear about the new paint called эcomeblack? It turns any color car black as soon as the cops start chasing you.
  28. Why are hurricanes normally named after women? Because when they come, they’re wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
  29. My wife sat on the arm of my chair and farted. And then she had the nerve to get mad at me for telling her to get off.
  30. Did you hear about the new adult doll coming out for the holidays? It’s called Kindereggs and lets you surprise each other with what’s inside!
  31. I tried to sell my vacuum cleaner on eBay last week. All I got was one suck bid.
  32. I was walking down an alley and saw six guys kicking and punching a woman. So I went up and joined in. No way seven guys can be wrong!
  33. My wife wants me to be more affectionate and romantic. So now I call her “Pumpkin Butt” instead of just “Butt.”
  34. What’s the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
  35. Did you hear about the peeping tom who fell into a well? He should mind his own business.
  36. Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.
  37. I bought a ceiling fan the other day. He’s a huge fan of mine.
  38. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
  39. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  40. I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it!
  41. Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they’re ugly and they smell bad!
  42. What do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic!
  43. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
  44. What did the floor say to the falling lamp? Lighten up!
  45. Did you hear about the band 1023MB? They never made it to a gig.
  46. When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes a parent!
  47. I wanted to watch the karate tournament, but it was only on Pay Per View.
  48. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
  49. What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip
  50. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
  51. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  52. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  53. I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
  54. My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
  55. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
  56. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing!
  57. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it!
  58. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
  59. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
  60. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.
  61. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
  62. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts!
  63. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  64. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
  65. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
  66. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!
  67. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
  68. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  69. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
  70. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
  71. My friend recently combined drinking and archery. It was a shot in the dark.
  72. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  73. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  74. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
  75. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
  76. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with.
  77. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
  78. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
  79. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  80. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
  81. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  82. Broken pencils are pointless.
  83. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  84. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  85. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  86. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
  87. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  88. Last night I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
  89. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
  90. A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
  91. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
  92. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  93. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  94. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
  95. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten the seafood. It gave me crabs.
  96. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
  97. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
  98. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
  99. Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense!
  100. Did you hear about the new sushi diner called “Two Guys, One Fish?” Their most popular item is the spicy tuna roll!
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Jackie the Joke Man: FAQs

Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about comedy legend Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling:

Who is Jackie the Joke Man?

Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling is an American comedian, writer, radio personality, and actor best known for being the head writer and in-house comedian on The Howard Stern Show from 1983 to 2001.

Where did Jackie the Joke Man get his start in comedy?

Martling started performing stand-up comedy in the 1970s at clubs and bars across New York City. His raunchy, no-holds-barred comedy earned him the nickname “The Joke Man.”

How did Jackie the Joke Man get on The Howard Stern Show?

Stern was a fan of Martling’s stand-up act and invited him to sit in on his radio show as a guest in 1983. His chemistry with Stern was undeniable, and he soon became an integral part of the show as head writer and comedian.

What was Jackie’s role on The Howard Stern Show?

As head writer, Jackie penned jokes, song parodies, sketches, and other comedic content for the show. He also sat in-studio with Stern every morning, where his rapid-fire wit and one-liners were a hallmark of the show’s humor.

Why did Jackie the Joke Man leave The Howard Stern Show?

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In 2001, negotiations between Martling and show producer Infinity Broadcasting broke down over salary disputes and other creative differences, leading to his exit after nearly 20 years on the show.

What has Jackie the Joke Man done since leaving Stern?

He has continued touring as a stand-up comedian, released multiple comedy albums, authored several joke books, and launched a podcast called Jackie’s Joke Hunt. He also cameoed in several films and TV shows over the years.

What is Jackie’s comedy style like?

Martling’s material is known for being raunchy, outrageous, and offensive. No topic is off limits for his sharp, dirty wit and penchant for filthy one-liners. His blue collar humor and delivery have earned him a loyal fan base over his decades-long career.

Where can I see Jackie the Joke Man perform?

Martling continues to tour and perform comedy at various clubs across the country. He also sometimes appears at pop culture conventions to meet fans. Keep an eye on his website or social media for his upcoming show dates and locations.

I hope this gives you some insight into comedy legend Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling! Let me know if you have any other questions.