Looking for some laugh-out-loud funny car jokes? You’ve come to the right place! This blog post covers 100 of the most hilarious car jokes and car puns that will have you giggling in no time. Keep reading for jokes about makes and models, mechanics, car accidents, and more automotive humor.
Cars are a huge part of most people’s everyday lives. We rely on them to get us where we need to go. And let’s face it, for most people a car is the second biggest purchase they’ll ever make, after buying a home. So it’s no wonder that cars are the frequent subject of jokes and comedy routines.
From jokes about various makes and models, to quips about bad drivers, to puns about mechanics and car repairs, car humor comes in all styles. The car jokes below will make even the most auto-obsessed person chuckle. Get ready to shift into high gear for some seriously funny car jokes!
Jokes About Makes & Models
Every car make and model has its own reputation and stereotypes associated with it. These car jokes poke fun at the images and assumed personalities of popular automobiles.
- What do you call a parade of Ford Pintos? A fireworks show!
- What do you call a Chevy with a sunroof? A greenhouse!
- What do you call a gathering of Porsches? A midlife crisis support group.
- How is a Camaro like a tampon? They’re both stuck up bimbos!
- Why can’t anyone hear you scream in a Fiat 500? Because it’s a small car!
- How do you double the value of a Lada? Fill the tank with gas!
- What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? With the BMW, the pricks are on the inside!
Jokes About Bad Drivers
We all know at least one notoriously terrible driver. These jokes about bad driving and horrible parking skills will feel relatable to anyone who’s encountered awful drivers on the road.
- Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? To turn the blinker off.
- How do you know when a blonde has been using the computer? There’s white-out on the screen.
- What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad driver? A bad golfer at least knows when to yell “fore”!
- How does a blonde try to kill a fish? She slams its tail in the car door.
- Did you hear about the blonde who just got her driver’s license? She went out on the road and collided with an airplane. The police asked her what happened and she said, “I don’t know officer, it all happened so fast!”
Jokes About Car Repairs & Mechanics
Dealing with car repairs and mechanics often feels like a headache. These jokes capture the frustration and confusion many feel when dealing with auto repairs.
- What does a mechanic say when he runs out of duct tape? Nothing will fix this heap of junk now!
- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
- How do you get a mechanic to show up quickly? Call him to say you’ve got the repair half done already.
- I was feeling ill so I went to the doctor’s. He told me I need to stop operating heavy machinery. Does this mean I have to get rid of my car?
- What’s the difference between a mechanic and a doctor? A mechanic washes his hands after he uses the bathroom.
Car Accident Jokes
Fender benders and collisions provide lots of comedy fodder. If you’ve ever been in a car accident, these jokes will resonate and help you find the humor in a bad situation.
- Why did the two cars get in a crash? It was a rear-end collision!
- What happened to the guy who rear-ended a car? He ended up in a trunk.
- Why did the policeman smell doughnuts after investigating the car accident? The two cars collided at the doughnut shop drive-thru window.
- Why did the magician get in so many car accidents? Because they kept turning without using their signal!
- How do you know when there’s been an accident at Krispy Kreme? There’s donut crumbs and skid marks all over the intersection.
Puns take ordinary words and give them dual hilarious meanings when it comes to cars and driving. Here are some of the best car puns around:
- What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
- The magician got in trouble for turning into the wrong lane. It was an illusion.
- I used to have a fear of overpasses, but I drove under it.
- Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
- The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
- She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
Car Jokes for Kids
You’re never too young to start loving cars and enjoying car-related humor. Here are some kid-friendly car jokes:
- What do you call a dog in a car? A driving weiner!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- What do you call a flower that runs on gasoline? A petal-powered car!
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick!
- What do you get when you cross a bicycle with a flower? Bike-u-lus!
- Where do cars get their energy from? Fuel tanks!
Funny Car Quotes
Some of the funniest car jokes actually come in the form of quotes and quips. Here are some hilarious automotive sayings:
- “My husband and I were happy for 25 years. And then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
- “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
- “I put my foot down as far as my gas pedal would go.” – Fred Allen
- “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” – Albert Einstein
- “If you’re being tailgated, tap your brakes to warn the driver behind you that there is an idiot ahead of him about to cause an accident.” – Carroll Bryant
I hope you enjoyed this collection of the most hilarious car jokes and puns on the internet! Whether you’re a car enthusiast, mechanic, terrible driver, or just enjoy some great automotive humor, you’re sure to find a joke here that makes you laugh out loud. Laughter really is the best medicine, so feel free to share these funny car jokes with all your friends. Drive safe and remember to keep smiling!
Now that you’ve chuckled at these car comedy gems, it’s time for some more serious automotive info. Below are answers to some frequently asked questions about cars and driving. Enjoy!
Frequently Asked Questions About Cars
What are the most reliable car brands?
According to consumer reports, some of the most reliable car brands include Toyota, Lexus, Mazda, Honda, and Subaru. These brands consistently score well on predicted reliability surveys and have a reputation for building cars that hold up over time.
How often should you change your oil?
Most manufacturers recommend changing your engine oil every 5,000-7,500 miles or about every 6 months. Use high-quality oil and premium filters, and have a mechanic inspect other fluids and do car maintenance at each oil change to keep your car running smoothly.
What should you keep in your car in case of emergency?
Emergency roadside kits usually include jumper cables, reflectors/flares, a flashlight, a first aid kit, blankets, non-perishable food, water, and basic tools. Also make sure to have your proof of insurance, registration, spare tire, and phone charger.
How can you improve gas mileage?
Simple ways to improve your car’s gas mileage include keeping tires properly inflated, changing air filters regularly, using the recommended type of motor oil, avoiding jackrabbit starts and hard braking, reducing drag by removing roof racks when not in use, and avoiding excessive idling to warm up your engine.
How often should tires be rotated?
Rotating your tires every 6,000–8,000 miles helps them wear evenly and extend their life. Tires should be rotated in a crisscross pattern and checked for proper inflation pressure each time. Have a mechanic inspect them for wear and damage as well.
What should you do after a car accident?
Important steps after an accident include moving to a safe location if possible, calling 911 to get medical help for any injuries, documenting the scene by taking photos, exchanging insurance information with other drivers, getting contact info from witnesses, and filing a police report within 24 hours. Call your insurance company as soon as feasible too.
Hopefully these FAQs have covered the major questions you may have about basic car maintenance, emergency preparedness, and accident protocol. Drive safely out there!